Month of Me! - Day 25

And today, I rest. Well....sorta. ;-)

Month of Me! - Days 22 and 23

So I've been a touch preoccupied. I tend to write my blog posts in small chunks throughout the day since I don't often have a big chunk of time. But for two days all my small chunks were diverted to a lengthy and sometimes heated FaceBook discussion.

I think in the long run it will be very productive for someone reading it. In the moment it was quite exhausting. But it's what I was doing when I should've been here, so I'll share that instead. Take from it what you will.

Click here to read the conversation on FaceBook. 

It's deep, y'all.

Month of Me! - Day 21

It's been 3 weeks!! Three weeks of talking about myself is really no big deal, except to me. To me, it's kind of a big deal. And this is all about me anyway, so (trumpet fanfare) YAAAAAY ME!!

Well alrighty then, if I'm going to be horn tootin' anyways, I'll just make this a good ol' shameless self promotion post! Yay Me!

Facebook - HotMamaShida

Twitter - @HotMamaShida

Instagram - @HotMamaShida

Pinterest - @HotMamaShida

Tumblr - HotMamaShida

Flickr - Urban Hippie Love

So much ME you could just GAG!! Again I say, YAY ME!!

Month of Me! - Day 20

Today I simply want to share this eight year old selfie:

Because I'm proud of it and add that I WILL take another equally hot photo before the end of the year!!

Month of Me! - Day 19

I'd like to share what just happened in my day. It's totally worth it.

WildChild goes to the drawer full of stuffed animals. She tries to open it all the way but for some reason it sticks. It opens, just not all the way. She whines. She pulls harder, nothing. She squeals. She puts her whole body into pulling, nada. She screeches. She throws so much BabyHulk leverage into it she slides, screeching, to the floor, where she lays wailing in dismay.

LilMellow, The Joker and I all watch this unfold silently and without interfering. Then LilMellow calmly walks over to the partially open drawer, reaches over the wailing WildChild and into the drawer, pulling out an owl puppet.

"OH! HOOOO!" She exclaims in delight and walks away.

WildChild immediately quiets, stands up, reaches into the drawer, pulls out the desired cow.

"OH! MOOOOO!" She exclaims in delight and walks away.

The moral: stop making shit harder for yourself than it has to be.

Month of Me! - Day 18

Today is a video playlist. Very simply, it's songs that over the years have been the soundtrack to my love for my husband. There are more and the playlist changes, but these seem to stay in heavy rotation.

There are so many ways that I love you, babe. There aren't enough genres. There isn't enough music.
-----

Kindred the Family Soul - "Where Would I Be"

Kindred the Family Soul - "Stars"

Common - "The Light"

Erykah Badu - "Love of My Life; An Ode to Hip Hop"

Stevie Wonder - "Overjoyed"

Raheem DeVaughn - "You"

Jason Mraz - "I'm Yours"

Robin Thicke - "Lost Without U"

Chrisette Michele - "Love Is You"

Jamiroquai - "Canned Heat"

Raul Midon - "Sunshine"

Luther Vandross - "A House is Not a Home"

Duke Ellington and John Coltrane - "In A Sentimental Mood"

 

Month of Me! - Day 17

Today.

Damn today kinda sucked. Lots of reasons but nope, I'm not going there. I'll gripe about that elsewhere.

Right now I will at least give myself props for having posted daily for 17 days!! That's so small, so small. But 'a journey of a thousand miles', and all that jazz.

This is a journey and I'm still walking.

Month of Me! - Day 16

Recent discussions about a certain mega-star and her new 'feminist' stance have allowed me a moment of pause to define who I am as a feminist. I think this is important because feminism is such an over-used but under-defined term and often very misconstrued, especially when used by a Black woman.

My personal Feminism defines me as having EQUAL rights and responsibilities as a man. Not 'better' and not 'more' but equal. Done.

My feminism is one small reason why I will never follow a religion or belief system that teaches that women are lesser creatures and should be meek and obedient. But this world holds many spiritual beliefs and practices that teach the loving equality of humanity and those are my spiritual and moral guides.

My Feminism allows me to be secure in my sexuality yet aware of the over-sexualized rape culture that we live in and the damage it's doing to our youth. 

My Feminism is teaching me how to raise a son without any of the 'boys will be boys' cliches and enabling that encourages boys to be rough and insensitive with things and feelings. I don't want to raise that sort of boy to be that sort of man, the kind of man that women always complain about when they spit out the word "Men!" with snake-like venom. 

Bottom line is, my Feminism is easy, my Feminism is Humanism.

Month of Me! - Day 15

Check this out; I was sitting here thinking 'Crap, today I had to do some extra cleaning and laundry to make up on some slacking and the kiddo and I made a little robot craft, I made him a cardboard box jet pack and we did a kitchen science experiment then we went to a kiddie birthday party until our kiddie was so tired he was delirious so I didn't take a single moment for myself!!'

Hush, child.

Here's my moment: I really am a good mother and wife and homemaker and VillageMama and VillageCounselor and all those things that mean I'm a nurturer and  I'm good at caring for people. I just am and it's not a trait that every person had and it's not a trait that every woman has, not even many that are in a position to care for people.

A big part of being HotMamaShida is being a mama and at that I declare myself a boss. And there it is.

Month of Me! - Day 14

So this is another reshape but another one I'm awful proud of. It's an article I posted here first but it became a Featured Article when I posted it on BlogHer! For little old me, that's kind of  a big deal.

Read, enjoy!

"What Bisexuality Is Not"


I'm not entirely sure how to start this topic so I'll just say flat out: I'm a bisexual woman. For me this means I enjoy emotional and physical relationships with men and women alike. Let me tell you what, for me, this doesn't mean:...

Continue reading - What Bisexuality Is Not on BlogHer

Month of Me! - Day 13

THIS!! THIS RIGHT HERE!! This is everything! This is my senior year of high school! This song (and thus this performance) was EVERYTHING to a romantic, hormonal, bisexual Black nerd chic in '93 in love with the hottest guy I'd ever laid eyes on in-person who was just as horny as me!! 

Do you know I would've KILLED for YouTube back in '93 for the chance to watch this on a loop at various times throughout my day, complete with fancy hand dances. Today, this song. It's all about this song.

Month of Me! - Day 12

I'm a Retired Poet. Very retired. But here's some of what I used to do. Read at the risk of your own sanity.

HotMamaShida.com Poetry Archive

Month of Me! - Day 11

Today there wasn't much room to pick a 'Me' focus but I did take a much needed moment to improve my overall appearance which is actually pretty important.

Very often I realize that when I'm exhausted or stressed I start to look rather haggard and like all of my clothes are suddenly 2 sizes too big. My saggy eyes get overrun by crust, my hair gets all scraggly, I look like a bedraggled mother of 10. Not a good look.

The problem is, I'm already stressed or exhausted or sometimes sick so every time I glance at myself in a mirror I LOOK stressed, exhausted and sick which just makes my mood worse.

It's just as easy for me to put on my cute, soft, comfy tee as it is to put on the frumpy, soft, comfy tee. I don't have to grab the oddly shaped 'mom' jeans (where did those come from, by the way?!?! I never bought mom jeans but somehow one pair, just one, has appeared in my wardrobe! What's worse, I can't bring myself to throw them away!!!) when my skinny stretch jeans are right beside them. 

Basically, I CAN look better than I feel which in a small way will help me to feel better. 

I took a break, washed my face and eradicated the layer of eye crust, I swapped sad mom wear for the perky mommy cute tee and skinny jeans, even replaced the bandana scarf with the hand-knitted hair net I like and in 3 minutes flat I at least looked like myself again and I did feel a hell of a lot better.

So there! I guess I took more of a Me moment than I realized. Quality over quantity, I guess. 

Gotta run, later!

Month of Me! - Day 10

WHEW!! I still have a randomly sick child but he's not quite as randomly sick so maybe I can get this in before midnight.

That said, all things considered I'm a pretty bad ass mom. I really am. That doesn't mean I'm a better or worse mom than any other mom out there who actually loves their kids and makes conscious efforts to do what's best for their kids.

I'm saying I'm the best mom for my kid and I do a really damn good job. We've raised a truly awesome boy so far! We've kept him happy, healthy, relatively well-adjusted (with just enough neurosis to make him quirky) and well-educated at home. I am half of the 'we' that is raising this brilliant kid, thus I am a BRILLIANT mom!

At least that's my deduction and announcement during this here self-indulgent Month of Me! Next month I'll be back to my normal self doubting, self deprecating self. Next month. This month, HotMamaShida RULES!

Month of Me! - Day 9

Another late and long day with the sick kid. Another (probably) brief post. 

I honestly don't know what to say about today, but I felt compelled to post something. It was great that I got to spend a whole day with both hubby and son, if only it hadn't been running the streets in an effort to get the sick boy healthy again.

This is the first real moment of quiet thought I've had all day....where I wasn't nodding off in random places.

So maybe today I just give myself a thumbs up for having stuck to my daily posts about (mostly) Me for more than a week. That is kind of a big deal to a chic who in an earlier post admitted to having a problem with consistency. 

So thumbs up, yay me, I'm going to bed.

Month of Me! - Day 8

It's after midnight but since I haven't been to sleep I'm still counting this as day 8. Plus we just came back from a brief and painless trip to the ER with the kiddo for this blastedly persistent fever, so I'm remembering my deal to cut myself some slack and shrugging it off.

Today I did something that I've come to really loathe but my kid really loves; I played in the snow! It snowed today, the first snow of the season, and the kiddo was sick but really, really wanted to play in the snow.

So we bundled up and out we went, into the untouched snow in our back yard. We made snow angels (well that part I left to him, I have no thermals) and threw snow all about and drew pictures and words in the snow and just played for a while. It was pretty fun! Yes. later his fever returned, the uncontrollable shakes he had last night came back and we ended up in the ER, but before that we played in the snow. That was good.

Good night, lovelies. This mama is beat.

Savion Glover: The Art Form of Tap and Jazz | iRock Jazz

 
Savion Glover honors the art form of tap. This dancer, choreographer, and teacher has had the highest regard for the dancers that have paved the way for him and many other tap dancers. In addition, Glover has had the privilege to work with many great Jazz musicians. Glover’s Broadway debut was Tap Dance Kid in 1984. Glover, who is a native of New Jersey, has a remarkable career, which also includes the Broadway production Jelly’s Last Jam, where he worked with Gregory Hines. He won a Tony Award for Best Choreography for Bring in ‘Da Noise, Bring in ‘Da Funk. Glover has numerous film, television, and stage appearances. He is currently on tour with Savion Glover’s STePZ. Savion Glover gave iRock Jazz an exclusive interview outlining his career and school.

Savion Glover: The Art Form of Tap and Jazz | iRock Jazz

Month of Me! - Day 7

I have to keep this brief because I have a 5 year old with a fever to tend to. And I'm damn tired. Which leads me to....

I am going to take better care of the one and only body I have and resume a regular exercise routine. That's it. I have a million reasons why I haven't done this so far and none of them is as important as my health. None of them is as important as being here as long as I can for my husband and son. None of them is as important as showing myself that I can fucking do it because I'm saying I will do it.

I am still healthy enough to only need to maintain my good health not regain my good health. I'm going to keep it that way.

Month of Me! - Day 6

Today's day of self acknowledgement and self indulgence came by way of a package of goodies I ordered from Oyin Handmade (my effort to patronize small businesses on Black Friday while keeping my hair and skin supple and delicious).

I've been spraying and massaging and loving on my hair all day and it damn well needed it. And I'm not super vain about my hair or anything, I just very realistically understand that it's another part of my body and should be cared for as well as the rest of me. It doesn't have to be all styled and cute but it has to be healthy, just like the rest of me!

And I'll smell SCRUMPTIOUS!! Seriously, the right combo of Oyin products makes me smell like sexy cookies all day long and who doesn't want that!! 

Month of Me! - Day 5

Nelson Mandela - 1918 - 2013

Month of Me! - Day 4

Tody I practiced the art of cutting myself some fucking slack.

Sometimes I'm very hard on myself and  not good at asking for or accepting help. I don't let myself off the hook very easily either and I tend to overdo things when I'm at my worst (overcompensation). It doesn't always mean I'm effective or efficient, but it usually means I'm stressed out.

Today I dragged myself out of bed after wretched sleep and immediately started a mental lashing for all the things I should've done yesterday but didn't, all the things I'll unrealistically heap on myself today and all the things I'll leave myself inevitably to do tomorrow and then I said--

STOP DAMMIT!!

I made myself stop the useless lashing and start the useful day. I told myself 'today I will do today' and I made myself a pot of Café Bustelo and cut myself some fucking slack. 

And did the day.

Month of Me! - Day 3

Today I decided to grant myself a low-guilt splurge! Indulge one of my addictions in a small but satisfying way. I hit the $4.95 sale on Audible.com and got me two new audiobooks!! (Pause for geek dance that oddly resembles Snoopy's happy dance!)

I snagged 'Helter Skelter: The Manson Murders' which I've never read and 'Journey to the Center of the Earth' which I have read but Tim Curry narrates so I had to get it for just that reason. Crush and sigh.

So there's day three of ME!! $9.90 of nerd joy!

Month of Me! - Day 2

Today I toot my own horn. In fact, today I'm going to sound like the brass section of a symphony. Today I want to tell the world some things about me that make me proud. Typically I might mention some of these things in a casual, joking manner because.... I don't know. Maybe humility or maybe just self consciousness. Whatever, I'm doing it now.

So here's a random number of things I love about ME!:

I laugh a lot! A lot! I'm the kind of person to crack jokes while I'm crying. I'll find something funny at a funeral....probably at anything that takes place in a church. 

Which tells you that my humor is also a bit crass, but eh, I'm still funny. To me at least. And since I'm a hermit my own amusement is what's important.

Oh yeah, I'm an awesome hermit! The best! I'm a boss at hermitry. 

I'm a really good girlfriend/partner/wife because I like knowing I made someone happy. Plus.....

I'm AWESOME at sex! FRIGGIN AWESOME!! Ask around, I'm a floozy too so someone you know probably knows from experience.

And yes, I can joke myself. I don't get offended very easily so I don't mind being joked either.

I'm a really good writer when I put my mind to it. I call myself a Retired Poet however. Don't ask.

I have a huge and amazingly random collection of useless trivia in my head. 

I have a huge and amazingly random collection of music in my head. Music is never useless.

I can sing a little bit.

I'm a great dancer.

For years I thought that I was sexy but not pretty. It greatly affected how I approached life. Now I know I'm beautiful and that's how I approach life.

I'm a perpetually chipper cynic!

I'm really stinkin smart and good at plenty of things and most of the things I'm the best at I taught myself.

I'm a phenomenal mom. Doubts and challenges aside, I'm a phenomenal mom.

I try really hard to be a good friend. I don't always succeed but the best intention is always there.

I know when enough's enough so I'll wrap up ShidaPalooza. That was actually fun! Not nearly as creepy and self-stalkerish as I anticipated. And I'm pretty sure I told the truth about it all. Give it a shot, what's kick ass about you? Brag, boast, show you some luv, it feels good!

Now I have to click post real quick before I chicken out and replace this with some drivel about crafts or shoe shopping. See you tomorrow! :)

Month of Me! - Day 1

I'll be 39 this month and I feel pretty damn good about it. Financially our lives could definitely be better, but emotionally I am in a really good place and I feel the same coming from my boys. That says a hell of a lot considering our journey over the past few years.

So I'm taking some time to do something I never do in a way that is really difficult for me: I'm going to consistently do something to pay attention to ME at least once a day for the next 30 days. I never pay attention to myself and I suck at consistency, so there you go. The Month of Me, 30 days of self love, self expression, self exposure, self.

I'm not quite sure what form this month will eventually take but I'm willing to drag anyone along who's bored enough to follow.

For today, Day 1, I'm sharing a video that I've shared before about a rather awful experience I had as a teenager. I'm sharing this not because I'm proud to have survived it relatively unscathed, especially since there were other more awful experiences that I was not so lucky to escape so easily, but because this is an important part of who I am today as a woman, mother, wife, and friend. This plays a large part in the lessons I teach my son (and one day I'll show him this) and the value I have for the gentle yet protective nature of my husband.

This isn't a high point but a life lesson and the best learned lessons require occasional reinforcing.

Always grateful

Yesterday exhaustion, stress and not eating properly got the better of me. I was dizzy, lightheaded, nauseous and just felt awful. At one point I was so dizzy that I cracked my forehead on the corner of a wall, giving me a nice red lump there. Not a good look.

But a life well-lived requires finding the beauty and being grateful. Mar, hubby extraordinaire, of course took care of me, the kiddo, and the toddlers (aka The Three Stoogettes) and lovingly gave me the emotional support I needed. Baby, I am so grateful.

Yesterday our super fantastic neighbors brought us a HUGE bag of much needed produce and Mar quickly turned some into yummy deliciousness that he shared with our super fantastic neighbors. I love our neighbors and I'm so grateful.

Yesterday I received a gorgeous and sweet book of children's songs as a gift from a wonderful woman who's influenced my life in positive and dynamic ways since I was three! I've been singing to the toddlers all day! I am deeply grateful, Maria!

And yesterday, after more than a year of back and forth emailing with the folks at Google (security protocols got a bit over-eager) I regained access to the email account that allows me to post to and update this blog!! I'm quite grateful to fully rejoin the blogging community WITHOUT having to start my blog over!

So, swollen forehead, sleepless night and tears aside, yesterday had some beautifully great moments and I am beautifully #GRATEFUL for each and every one!