Safe

When I was pregnant with Aman I had a dream that I was sitting on top of a high, green hill and somewhere nearby, surrounding me, there were three beings. These beings felt loving and strong and I knew they were there to keep me safe. There wasn't anything going on in the dream, just me sitting there in a blowing breeze, but it was vivid and I really loved the way it felt.

The next day I was telling Kendi about the dream and I said that to me it meant that the baby was going to be a boy (I wanted a boy but we didn't know the gender yet). I told him it felt like three protective spirits. He said, "But girls can be protectors too. You protect me." He was completely sincere, plus he wanted a girl.

Now I see that these three spirits around me do protect me and keep me safe but in a way I wasn't expecting. They protect me from myself. They protect me from my jagged edges. They give curves to my angles. They soften me in the places that had long hardened after a lifetime of self sufficiency and self destruction. They provide the gentle yin that balances my often harsh yang.

My men. My boys. My sweet, sensitive, protective, loving, caring, supportive spirits. I hope I've given you at least half as much as you've given me and that you'll allow me, everyday, to keep trying to give you more. I love and adore you.

I Had An Abortion and it Wasn't Through Planned Parenthood

When I was 18 years old I got pregnant.

It was my last year of high school and I was madly in love. I'd been in love with this boy for 3 years and was fully intending to be with him forever, just like any 18 year old who's in love. And also like many 18 year olds in love, we were sexually active. Very. Extremely.

But I wasn't completely irresponsible. At the time there was a Planned Parenthood  in the mall near my house and I'd been going there since I was 15 for screenings, advice, and free condoms. I actually spent a lot of time in there just talking to the counselors about things I didn't feel comfortable talking to my mother about. All the women were supportive and helpful and they let me just walk in and talk to someone. I had even taken several of my friends there, other girls who were sexually active and wanted to be safe but we're scared to talk to their parents. Twice I was allowed to be in the room with my friends, holding their hand while they got their first ever gynecological exam. 

But I was still a teenager and somewhere along the line my boyfriend and I weren't as careful as we should've been (and yes we could've just abstained from having sex, but we didn't so I'm not going to engage in that debate) and in the last semester of my last year in high school I found out I was pregnant.

The very first place I went to was Planned Parenthood, because, like much of America, I thought PP was the place to go to easily get an abortion. I took a pregnancy test, we calculated how far along I was, then we talked. And talked. And talked. They told me every conceivable option available to me and how they could help me with each, including helping me talk to my parents. I left there with stacks of papers, ideas, and a possible plan.

I did not leave Planned Parenthood with the completely legal abortion I was determined to have.

I went home and started making phone calls. I DID NOT want to have a baby. Yes, I was terrified of telling my parents, but I also had plans for my life that did not involve a child just then. Later, yes. I was in love and truly wanted to have children with my boyfriend later, when we were married. Not then. Not as teenagers. So I made phone calls and got an approximate cost for an abortion. 

That's where things went wrong. I had some money but not enough, so I started asking around to borrow money, and pleading with anyone I asked to keep my secret. In such a scenario, it only takes asking one wrong person for things to get out of control. I asked the wrong person, who then told an even more wrong person, who took it upon themselves, for their own religious reasons (this person is pro-life), to tell my parents. 

It was ugly. I won't get into the domino effect of ugliness that ensued, but it was not a good time in an already volatile relationship with my parents. However then end result was they agreed that it was not the time for me to have a child and they took me to a hospital where I had an abortion. Coincidentally it was the same hospital I was born in.

Actually, that's not the end result. Later that fall I went off to college and I was forced to leave the boy I was in love with. But we remained friends and kept in contact over the years. I harbored intense guilt over the abortion for many years and felt like I'd disappointed him but eventually we did talk about it and he assured me he had no ill will towards me.

Our first son!

Baby boy #2!

Fast forward 15 years, many other relationships, thousands of miles of travel, countless emails and MySpace messages (yes, I said MySpace!) and he and I realized we're still in love and decide to reunite. High school sweethearts back together. Less than a year later we become parents to a beautiful baby boy who we adore. Seven years later (exactly 5 months ago, to be precise) we have our second beautiful son.

This is the family we were meant to be. Our lives would've been drastically different if we'd been teen parents. Both of us have learned independence and self-sufficiency. We've traveled the world. We've come to know ourselves and we can teach these things to our sons. Because of the lives we've lived we are conscious, peaceful parents who homeschool and are super protective of our kids. We are better people so we can be better parents, I don't think that would've been the case with our teenage selves. We would've managed, like the millions of other teenage parents, and we probably would've worked things out, but we made our choice and looking at my wonderful, happy family today I'm content with our choice.

And I continued to go to Planned Parenthood for my health care over those 15 years, I even went there to find out I was pregnant with my 7 year old. They remained my source for advice, support, and contraception. Which is why I denounce all the false statistics, misogyny, and rhetoric and I strongly Stand with Planned Parenthood.

It's the little things

It's the little things. 󾬑󾬑#BirthofBabyBump #teenytinybaby #boppy #Boys #LOVEPS. Say hello to Aman Asad, our Peaceful Lion! #HeHasAName!!

Posted by Rashida Braxton Simmons on Wednesday, May 6, 2015

WHEW!! So, yea, we had another baby!

WHEW!! So, yea, we had another baby!! I'm doing good and baby boy is doing great! We're still in the hospital but...

Posted by Rashida Braxton Simmons on Saturday, May 2, 2015

Introducing Sir Fuss A Lot

Introducing Sir Fuss A Lot!! LOL! We're still working on the name. He's the cutest, fussiest little thing in town, and looks just like our big boy did at birth. I'm totally in love! 󾬏#birthofBabyBump #thenewbie

Posted by Rashida Braxton Simmons on Saturday, May 2, 2015

Nighttime Shenanigans

3am, #BabyBump decides to go belly clubbin' and starts the nightly dance.

4am, Mar​ has to go to work, he comes to kiss me goodbye, opens the bedroom door, and accidentally blasts me with the hallway light dead in the eye.

5am, the kiddo has a nightmare and comes and climbs in bed with me, toting his bear, his water cup, and his phone with his Winnie the Pooh audiobook playing, wide awake, and compelled to relay every detail of said nightmare.

7:34am, four minutes after the 'do not disturb' on my phone turns off, I get a text.

8:30am, the kiddo wakes up and, as if he never fell asleep at all, immediately resumes his animated discussion about last night's dream.

I am SO ready for life with a newborn. Good morning, y'all.

Defining Moments

kendi guess what?

Urban Hippie Love - Staying In Touch

Hi there!

I've been filtering and sorting through the messages I've gotten over the past year or so and I've realized I get a lot of parenting, relationship and homeschooling questions. Way too many of these messages have gone unanswered either directly or through some sort of post so I'm tackling that task now.

One question I get asked a lot in various ways is if my husband, son and I are as 'touchy feely' in person as we appear to be in public and on the web. I guess we are big on the PDA's, huh? (I love you, babe!!) Well I pulled our family blog Urban Hippie Love out of retirement and posted my answer there! Click on over and check it out...

**Urban Hippie Love - Staying In Touch**

Keep the questions coming and I promise to be better about keeping the answers coming! :)

rest peacefully, uncle gene

yesterday my uncle gene left us to take his place with the ancestors.

uncle gene was a cool dude, y'all. infinitely happy, full of laughter and jokes! he was lovingly married for 47 years.

the last time I saw him was many years ago when my angst and rebellion were at it's height. we were at a family reunion and he took me aside and said 'I know you're a good girl, I know you're a smart girl, I know you're wearing your mama out but she's your mama and she wants to protect you so it's hard for her to get that you don't fit in a small, safe box. your box is as big as this world and you just need the freedom to explore every corner.you'll be all right.' then he hugged me. very simple, but it was one of the most important things that an elder could've said to me at a time when I was struggling to fit into that small, safe box but failing miserably.

I can't mourn for uncle gene because he spread 77 years of good vibrations to everyone he met and that's going to last forever. I do mourn for those closer to him who will feel that empty space that his smile and laughter once filled much more acutely. my aunt lost her husband of 47 years. my cousins lost their dad. my mom lost her big brother.

my most sincere love and blessings are with my Hughes family. there's a whole lot of Hughes' and all that collective love and support is needed now.

keep watching out for your family, uncle gene. and keep an eye on me while I keep finding my own way through this world. I love you, rest peacefully.

walking a tightrope

days like today I wonder if I'll ever find a true balance in motherhood, my relationship and work. as I write this I'm thoroughly exhausted, grappling with a migraine, wanting to snuggle up with my man but listening to our son tossing and turning trying to fall asleep and it's 11:30pm. yet I feel like I didn't accomplish 90% of what I needed to do today.

I have no idea how to do this! I have friends with more than one kid and they have careers and run businesses and have beautiful loving relationships and seemingly seamless lives. I know there's no such thing as a seamless life but mine often feels like a patchwork quilt of frustration, exhaustion, foolishness and nonsense. how do successful moms balance all these things!?!

in the midst of it all I can acknowledge the great things in my life. I have a truly awesome kid, a loving fantastic hubby, a marvelous family and family of friends, my health (and a healthy hubby and kid) and we're dead ass broke but at least we're not living in our car or *gulp* with either of our parents.

but in the midst of it all I have a very sensitive son who told me the other day he wanted daddy because I work too much, a hubby who I know I neglect too often, and 'work' that I can barely generate an income from.

I know there is a balance that will allow all the main aspects of my life to stay on an even keel with the occasional tilts to one side or the other but not so much that I plummet. it's there, somewhere, lurking in the darkness and if I'm patient and remember that my relationship is only 4 years old, my son is only 3 years old and stop being so hard on myself things will level out.

but in the meantime i'll keep looking forward, never looking down, and hold tight to that pole that is my strength and sanity and be grateful that if nothing else I'm rarely bored and most folks tend to like the show!

a message to the men

i just wanted to take a moment to honor the fact that i'm very proud of all the men in my life! i honestly am! i just took stock of all the men that are actually in my life; the men that are not just related, but family, not just associations, but friends. and if i call you either, i consider you a good man.

thank you!

please believe that you're all raising my son with his father and i and if he learns from you what true meaning of manhood is, i know that he'll be a good man.

again, and sincerely, i thank you.

detangling tips & techniques for natural hair (by Oyinhandmade)

detangling tips & techniques for natural hair (by Oyinhandmade)

__________

i've gotten a lot of hair questions recently, in person and via the interwebs. i've never tried to say i'm a real hair care expert but i think it's a testimony to the health of my hair and my son's hair that people ask me for hair advice. it's flattering and i'm touched and i want to give good advice.

so i'm gonna let the experts help me in advising you! the question i get asked the most is how do i detangle my hair and my son's hair. this video shows exactly what i do for both of us, using the fantastic Oyin Handmade Honey Hemp Conditioner! the only change is for my son i can usually put the conditioner in his hair right before bath time and just let it sit while he plays with submarine and rubber duckie.

i hope this helps!

Hard-Working Mom... or Hardly Working? | BlogHer

i just read an article on BlogHer that i wanted to share; Hard-Working Mom... or Hardly Working?

this is a very sweet article that i completely relate to. i'm a stay/work at home mom and i constantly feel that i'm not doing enough. i imagine that my fiance, friends, blog readers.....everyone who knows me, thinks i'm living some sorta easy life of lounging and playing and it makes me feel highly inadequate.

but then i look at my awesome big boy and i know that i'll gladly take the financial and social loss to watch him grow everyday and never miss a single 'first' experience. i see how happy he is and i know i'm doing the right thing for us.

are you a stay/work at home mom or a mom that works out of the house? what's your experience? do you have any regrets?

Hard-Working Mom... or Hardly Working? | BlogHer

making me feel better

babyluv's had a little cough for a few days and because of the weather (the ice more than the snow, we live in a very hilly area and icy patches SUCK) we've been couped up in here together for days. so last night an itchy cough made itself known in my throat and this morning I woke up with no voice. eh, no problem, I can manage a cough and I can even manage the kid since he has a rapidly growing ASL (American Sign Language) vocabulary.

I told babyluv that my throat hurt and I couldn't talk so I was going to use a lot of signs today and we went over a handful of basics. he did great and seemed perfectly content but in my guilt ridden head I could hear his deep, little voice 'geez mama, I already don't feel good and now you spring a sign language pop quiz on me!! can I get a break!?!'

don't look at me like that, I know he's only 2 but he says a lot with his eyes. really!! and he's almost 3. oh whaddyouknow! *rolling my eyes and pouting*

well, just now he came over to me, handed me a fistful of the remains of his mostly devoured jelly sandwich, smiled up at me with his proud, jelly-smeared face and said 'here, that'll make you feel better!' then immediately erupted in body shaking coughs.

have I mentioned today how much I love this kid?

BABIES!!

this is truly one of the sweetest, most wonderful documentaries I have ever seen! it's simply a candid look into the lives of four babies in four different parts of the world, from birth to age one.

in the words of daddyluv, it's like 'march of the penguins' but with babies. *single tear for the penguins*

if you're a Netflix subscriber it's available to watch instantly!

see you in the new year

i will be joyfully starting this new year with happiness in my heart, love in my home, peace in my soul and wonder in my mind, so i'm starting the new year perfectly. to all i send my personal mantra: LIVE IMMENSELY, LOVE INTENSELY!! give me a hug when you see me in 2011!! <3 <3

working his magic

my kid's always working his magic!

aaah thanksgiving

aaah thanksgiving! the holiday that reminds us that it's perfectly ok to flee the persecutions and suffering of your homeland to the safety of america, pillage the native lands and people, then proceed to subject them and every other person who flees the persecutions and suffering of their homeland to the safety of america to countless persecutions and sufferings in the name of america, if you're really, really pale.

gobble, gobble.

but i do love 'a charlie brown thanksgiving' so click on the pic and enjoy!!

he loves, we hate

my son will be 2 years old in a month. i know i'm in store for big fun potty training, grand scale temper tantrums, lots of new vocabulary, and budding personality traits, but have no mistake this boy is definitely his own person. he is a very verbal and articulate little man and has no problem telling me and anyone else what he wants, doesn't want, likes and dislikes.

and therein lies my dilemma as a mom.

when my li'l one decided to boycott eating all things red, i patiently complied. i knew it was a phase that would last as long as a 1 year old's attention span can last and of course it did pass (granted, he then decided to boycott eating the color orange, but my patience still prevails). my sweet boy is now adamantly protesting wearing any shirts with tags in the collar. i rather agree with this protest, itchy tags in baby clothes are just mean! but what happens when he absolutely LOVES something that i, or his father, hates?

at the moment, there's a particular cartoon that our boy absolutely loves, i mean he loves it. when he woke up this morning it was the first thing he asked for and at night it's the last thing he wants to see. i know it's just another one in what's bound to be an ongoing series of phases and i think it's rather funny. daddy however is not so amused. as much as our boy loves this cartoon, that's how much his father hates it. i mean he really hates it.


i don't let our son watch anything that i haven't watched first and nothing that doesn't benefit him in some way. anything he watches has to teach him something good, so it's not that this particular cartoon is harmful in anyway. his father just thinks it's a lame cartoon. that's the problem. the cartoon is not objectionable just unlikeable. so do we inflict our likes, our personal preferences on our son and not let him watch this cartoon or allow his personal preferences to bloom as they naturally will?

i've always loathed when parents say things like "my child will only eat chicken nuggets" or "my 5 year old loves the song 'birthday sex'" because as far as i'm concerned it means the child is the parent and the parent has allowed that child to run over them. a child has no job and can't buy themselves chicken nuggets or a cd so that parent has to provide these things. thus their statement should be "i only buy my child chicken nuggets" or "i let my child listen to 'birthday sex'". to me, these parents have a problem with accountability and a bigger problem with their parenting skills because in essence they're blaming their children for actions that it's the parents responsibility to control.

these parents also have the problem of wanting to be their child's 'friend' instead of the 'parent'. i thoroughly understand not wanting to deny your child something they really want, i know how tough it can be when a sad-faced, miserable kid begs and pleads for something i just don't want him to have or i know he shouldn't have. it goes from annoying to heartbreaking rapidly, but i'm his mother not his friend. my biggest role as his mother is to protect him and i can't do that if i'm too busy trying to be his friend. but in an effort to protect him the converse is also true.

as far as i'm concerned, just because i dislike something doesn't mean i have the right to keep it from him if it's something that does him no actual harm and especially if it's something that helps him. thinking back to my childhood and adolescence my parents were pretty good about living this concept. they created a learning environment in our home so that the things that were in my life as a child were all beneficial to my growing brain until i was able to earn my own money and indulge in my own preferences. i know they were not fans of the very loud heavy metal and even louder clothes and makeup, but their objections were few. their method was to expose me to as much as possible so that i had a wide berth of knowledge to learn from and develop. the end result is a 35 year old woman who can still rock hard with the best of 'em, or mellow out to some nina simone or sam cooke.

i will protect my son to the best of my ability everyday of his life. that means he will never have a chicken nugget that i don't cook myself or listen to any song with a title like 'birthday sex' until he's able to buy these things with his own hard earned cash, even if that doesn't happen until he's 18.

that also means i won't be forcing my likes or dislikes on him because then i'm not allowing him to be his own person, and frankly i'm very curious as to who that person is going to be and i can't wait to meet him!