Headed in the Right Direction

Post by Rashida Braxton Simmons.

Urban Hippie Love - Staying In Touch

Hi there!

I've been filtering and sorting through the messages I've gotten over the past year or so and I've realized I get a lot of parenting, relationship and homeschooling questions. Way too many of these messages have gone unanswered either directly or through some sort of post so I'm tackling that task now.

One question I get asked a lot in various ways is if my husband, son and I are as 'touchy feely' in person as we appear to be in public and on the web. I guess we are big on the PDA's, huh? (I love you, babe!!) Well I pulled our family blog Urban Hippie Love out of retirement and posted my answer there! Click on over and check it out...

**Urban Hippie Love - Staying In Touch**

Keep the questions coming and I promise to be better about keeping the answers coming! :)

Month of Me! - Day 18

Today is a video playlist. Very simply, it's songs that over the years have been the soundtrack to my love for my husband. There are more and the playlist changes, but these seem to stay in heavy rotation.

There are so many ways that I love you, babe. There aren't enough genres. There isn't enough music.
-----

Kindred the Family Soul - "Where Would I Be"

Kindred the Family Soul - "Stars"

Common - "The Light"

Erykah Badu - "Love of My Life; An Ode to Hip Hop"

Stevie Wonder - "Overjoyed"

Raheem DeVaughn - "You"

Jason Mraz - "I'm Yours"

Robin Thicke - "Lost Without U"

Chrisette Michele - "Love Is You"

Jamiroquai - "Canned Heat"

Raul Midon - "Sunshine"

Luther Vandross - "A House is Not a Home"

Duke Ellington and John Coltrane - "In A Sentimental Mood"

 

walking a tightrope

days like today I wonder if I'll ever find a true balance in motherhood, my relationship and work. as I write this I'm thoroughly exhausted, grappling with a migraine, wanting to snuggle up with my man but listening to our son tossing and turning trying to fall asleep and it's 11:30pm. yet I feel like I didn't accomplish 90% of what I needed to do today.

I have no idea how to do this! I have friends with more than one kid and they have careers and run businesses and have beautiful loving relationships and seemingly seamless lives. I know there's no such thing as a seamless life but mine often feels like a patchwork quilt of frustration, exhaustion, foolishness and nonsense. how do successful moms balance all these things!?!

in the midst of it all I can acknowledge the great things in my life. I have a truly awesome kid, a loving fantastic hubby, a marvelous family and family of friends, my health (and a healthy hubby and kid) and we're dead ass broke but at least we're not living in our car or *gulp* with either of our parents.

but in the midst of it all I have a very sensitive son who told me the other day he wanted daddy because I work too much, a hubby who I know I neglect too often, and 'work' that I can barely generate an income from.

I know there is a balance that will allow all the main aspects of my life to stay on an even keel with the occasional tilts to one side or the other but not so much that I plummet. it's there, somewhere, lurking in the darkness and if I'm patient and remember that my relationship is only 4 years old, my son is only 3 years old and stop being so hard on myself things will level out.

but in the meantime i'll keep looking forward, never looking down, and hold tight to that pole that is my strength and sanity and be grateful that if nothing else I'm rarely bored and most folks tend to like the show!

Timothy Bloom - 'Til The End Of Time ft. V. Bozeman

this is beautiful in every possible way a music video and piece of art can be beautiful.

there is some artistic nudity so it's NSFW, but i'm completely in love with this video.

first valentine

so I have to tell you about my first real valentine's day, the first valentine's I spent with mar, the father of my child and man I'm going to marry.

this particular valentine's shouldn't have even happened. I was 15, he was 16. we had only been together for about four months when valentine's day rolled around, but I was already well aware of his general anti-holiday stance. valentine's was worse than most since he felt he did a pretty good job of showing me his love everyday. he was right, he did. but I was 15 and I had a boyfriend and it was valentine's day! I was willing to not get anything because of the principle, but i couldn't stop pouting.

it was evening. I was home in my room, laying on the bed reading and hiding, trying to suck in my lip. the doorbell rang but I figured it was for one of my brothers, went back to reading. I didn't even hear him come up the stairs or down the long hallway to my room, he was just suddenly in my bedroom door.

he dropped to his knees by the bed and handed me a flower box. 'so uh, yeah, I was told to deliver this here box.' I opened it and it was full of the prettiest, sweetest daisies! I would have been so disappointed in roses, way too cliche for us. then I looked closer.

some of the flowers were attached to each other. I picked one up and a string of them came along. he'd taken a bunch and fashioned them into a necklace! he slipped it around my neck then he picked up a small daisy from the box and slipped it around my finger, he'd made it into a perfect little ring.

it was my first real valentine's day and it was beautiful and I spent it with the man that I'll spend the rest of my valentine's days with.

happy valentine's day. I love you, baby.

michael jackson, chris brown & raising a man

I don't often write about pop culture goings on but i had to make an exception. I usually keep such opinions to myself because I don't tend to agree with the popular opinions, but I never cared about being popular so here goes.

Michael Jackson and Chris Brown have become sort of linked in my head in the past couple weeks and it's pissing me off. more accurately, people's response to them is pissing me off. I loved Mike's music, have since childhood, but dude had obviously lost a few cogs in his mental machinery and it showed. a great deal of that undoubtedly had to do with the fact that his life was never outside of the constant, harsh scrutiny of the American public. we treat our celebrities pretty bad, basically saying that because they have a talent that we (and our children) admire they must be beyond reproach. becoming known means losing the freedom to make mistakes and that's an impossible way to live.

those who survive the American scrutiny do so by living below the radar as much as possible, often at the risk of losing their celebrity status since we only pay real attention to the scandals and dirt. Mike was a constant blip on the radar and his sanity suffered for it.

but now that he's gone the outpouring of love and devotion for him is profound! aside from the passing, light-hearted jokes most seem to have forgotten that he MAY have possibly done some horrible things to hurt children. it may have all been a big scam to get money out of a celebrity, but it may have been true. either way it seems to have been largely forgiven by the public now that he's gone.

but Chris....geez!

this young man screwed up bad! even he admits that. he's living under the same over-demanding watchful eye of the American public and he really messed up. he allegedly beat his girlfriend (another celebrity!) and now he's become as hated as Bin Laden to some folks. what's worse, the man is trying to make some sort of public apology for his mistake and we're treating him as if he's a serial killer! I've seen blog posts that wished death on him! DEATH!!

and this is his first public screw up. he's barely had a chance to be an adult and have a career and we've decided he's garbage and should be discarded. damn.

now, in no way do I condone his actions. he beat a woman and should be punished for that harshly enough to let him know that it's a behavior that WILL NOT be tolerated. but do I think he should lose his life and livelihood for it? no!

I have a 1 year old son. I am already teaching him that if he does something wrong he should apologize. he should apologize to the person he wronged and anyone else who was affected by his actions. but now I feel like our culture is saying "if you do something wrong you can try to apologize but we ain't gonna believe you and we're gonna treat you like crap henceforth!" how is that a good lesson to teach?

so many women especially are tearing this man apart and so many of them are raising men! the torrent of female anger out there right now is blazing and it's sad. It's like we're all telling our sons that because they have penises by birthright they are never allowed to err or slip, especially not against a woman, if so they will be scorned and hated forever. that sucks!

I actually know at least three men who, in their raging, hormone laden youth, raised their hand and hit a woman. it was stupid, impulsive, violent behavior and it was a mistake. two of those men are now loving husbands and fathers who have never engaged in such violent behavior again (the third I lost touch with so I can't attest to his development). if those two men had to endure the scrutiny and judgment we're raining down on Chris Brown I doubt they'd be doing so well today.

what's hurts me more is that he's so young for us to decide he's finished! we're apparently more forgiving of older men and women and their screw ups than we are of our young men. former DC mayor Marion Barry was caught on tape smoking crack and having an affair and four years later the good folks if DC re-elected him; all's forgotten. let's not mention that he recently had a woman accuse him of stalking and now he's under investigation again! Bobby and Whitney were constantly in the news for domestic issues, but i guess we forgave them both because they forgave each other...?

but Lisa 'Left Eye' Lopez (who i also loved) fought with her man publicly and eventually burned down his house! eh, no biggie. what about the popular trend of destroying a man's car if he dares to wrong a woman? who cares, it's just a car, and we're women, we're allowed to be jerk, right?

Chris Brown is being more of a man than most and is not only making some sort of effort to apologize to the woman he wronged but to everyone who will listen. is he sincere, I have no idea, and neither do you. unless you're an expert in body language and lie detection, you have no clue as to his sincerity, just biased speculation. is he reading from a TelePrompTer on his video apology; I HOPE SO!! any intelligent individual with something important to say, that's going to be on the Internet for the world to see for decades to come, should write it down so that they are clear, articulate, and they can be sure their point gets across. Barack Obama reads from a TelePrompTer, George W. Bush did not. do you get it? does reading a speech make it less sincere than making it up as you go along? no, it just makes it clearer and lessens the chance of the person sounding like the bumbling idiot that George W. always sounded like.

slowly, over the course if 50 years, Michael Jackson lost himself and drowned in the shallow pool of the American eye, and now we're holding Chris Brown's head under water while he flails and gasps for air.

I'm at home still telling my son "say you're sorry for hitting your friend." what are you telling your sons?

Growing, Knowing, and Showing

belly love

Originally uploaded by r.s.m.b. Sees
I am so pregnant. If you haven't read my blogs on MySpace, that statement might be a new bit of news for you. If you've seen me in the past month or so, it's definitely not. I look like I swallowed a honeydew melon whole, and I kinda feel like that too. I can get away with wearing my man's clothes... well, his shirts.... that are baggy and kinda hang loose on my bulbous belly, but then I just look fat and frumpy (no matter what he says). When I wear my maternity clothes (shit, y'all, I have maternity clothes!) I definitely look like I am so damn pregnant.

Some days it's totally cool, I kinda dig it actually. Especially when I'm walking the streets with the ol' man and he tells some long lost friend that 'we have a bun in the oven'. Then I really don't mind looking the part. The day we went for our most recent ultrasound and got to see the growing monkey in my tummy (the li'l monkey almost wouldn't stay still long enough to get a picture, already rebellious like mama and hyper like papa) I was proud to sport my big bulge. Now that I'm at the halfway point in the whole deal ('bout 5 months now) and I'm just starting to tell the difference between baby movements and gas, and a lady told me the other day she couldn't tell I was pregnant, I just looked like she did after a big meal, I'm getting used to the fact that I got a lot more bulging to do so I'm trying to adjust quickly.

But then days like today when every part of my ever swelling body hurts, and I have muscle aches in places that even my rather flexible yoga skills don't touch, and I wake up with my first taste of Braxton Hicks contractions, toting this giant belly is just a pain in the ass! When I can't even bend over to pick up the pen I dropped, and I'm peeing twice an hour (that might be too much information, but you could have stopped reading a long time ago), and my sore boobs and cramping back have decided to be my painful enemies, and then I think, "I'm only halfway through this whole thing, I have soooo much more bulging to do!!!" I am so over this pregnancy deal.

That does not mean I don't already love and adore the little wonder that's currently residing in me, I really do. It's cool to know that I love someone I've never met, so I can't imagine how much I'll love the li'l monster upon arrival. If only the hyper devil would stop beating on my bladder like a bongo (no seriously, we saw this on the ultrasound-- papa to be found it very amusing). It's amazing how bipolar this seems to be making me.... more so than usual.

I am doing some things to make sure this li'l one knows mama from day one. I read out loud often, lots of poetry, Maya Angelou, Nikki Giovanni, and some Stephen King (hey, I like it and I don't want a skittish, squeemish kid) for starters. I put my mini-speakers on my tummy and play good music; Donny Hathaway, Stevie Wonder, Fertile Ground, and Raul Midon are some of the folks on the current playlists. Yoga will hopefully keep me from being too miserable and make a little yogi to boot. I have to admit, I do wish papa would participate a bit more- maybe talk to the li'l one or read a story or two to my growing belly to help create a bond (with both of us during this process), but he's being excellent in all other aspects. His focus is taking care of me and making sure my needs are met, so I'm sincerely appreciative, truly.

Other than that, all I got to say is that I am so PREGNANT!

and because you know the deepest me

To that one who knows me, all of me, more than anyone else ever has or will.

Lately

This particular poem I wrote while I was really in love with someone and I wasn't sure how mutual the feeling was. Everyday that I spent with that person I was thinking of how I could reach out to them in some profound way and not just make them realize my love, but how much they really loved me.

Be Careful What You Wish For

This is a story about my ex-girlfriend and I, and how what she thought she wanted turned into what she got, and how unprepared both of us were for it.

Snaps and Breaks

We all have our faults and our nasty little character traits that life teaches us are either endearing little quirks or horrible personality flaws. While I am sure I have some cute quirks that have come to endear me to others, I also have one horrible personality flaw.

Celibacy and the Bitter Barrier

Some people should not be celibate for too long. Yea you heard me! Has anyone else realized that some people really just shouldn't be celibate too long? Now hear my words: Some people and too long. I don't mean everybody all the time, so simmer down and don't get ya self righteous panties in a bunch before you hear what I'm saying.

Carnal Conclusion; My Sexuality Self-Help Session in Cyberspace

At thirty, I thought I would know everything that I should know about my sex and sexuality. I don't mean, I would know every way to please and pleasure a man or a woman, or hell, even myself. But I thought I would have discovered everything about my emotional sexual composition. Who I am as a relatively confident, rather attractive bisexual being. However at thirty, for a little while, I found myself mentally deadlocked, stuck and confused.

my sexuality is mine

There are two sides to every coin. While we need to continue to teach our young girls the lessons of modesty and being a proper young lady, we also need to teach our young women to be secure and empowered by their femininity and the wonders, and sometimes dangers, it beholds.

The Second Time I Lost My Virginity

Better than the first time? Can a second time actually be so much better than the first time, that is just kind of knocks the first time out of the running, sort of by default? Oh, I do believe so.....

Rediscovered

The birth of new love in a new relationship! Two people realizing that they've been through similar traumas in life and dramas in love and though it may have taken a while, they found each other, and now they are starting to find themselves.

Falling-

This was a special kind of love. This was a love that no one but the two of us understood, but no one but the two of us cared. This was a spiritual love, a love was created in the stars, because that's the only place big enough to hold it.

I Have Known-

I always considered "I Have Known" and "She Stands" my 'sister poems.' I wrote them both in the same night, they have the same rhythm and flow, and I believe they were conceived from the same inspiration. This is the older sister.

She Stands

I always considered "I Have Known" and "She Stands" my 'sister poems.' I wrote them both in the same night, they have the same rhythm and flow, and I believe they were conceived from the same inspiration. Here is the baby sister.