how would i know

This poem is for the long lost, but never forgotten friend. That friend that might be far away in distance but never far from my heart.


Out of the blue-
Sometimes, when I haven’t heard from you,
I think, what if something should happen to you:
you know, one of those "something’s"
that your parents warned you about
when you were a teen,
first venturing out on your own-
those "something’s" that got you grounded for not calling home
when you were going to be late,
because you think your ass is too grown-
and you nervously stumble through the door
after two hours of trying to create excuses,
but you don’t even have a chance to stammer out your lies
because you are immediately confronted with an irate parent shouting,
"What if SOMETHING had happened to you!?!"
And you roll your eyes because in your pre-adult mind
nothing possibly could have happened
that was beyond your grown ass control.
But in their adult and more learned mind,
there are always a hundred situations
that we have no control over no matter how grown we think we are,
and something could have happened.
I’m not sure why it’s always that
‘you could be dead in a ditch somewhere’,
but something could have happened.

But now, as a real adult, my real grown up friend-
someone who has shared experiences, and drinks,
and laughs, and loves with me,
someone who has cried on your shoulder,
and even offered you comfort a time or two,
someone who has been the sounding board
for all of your genius ideas,
someone who let you be the score board
for all of our foolish ventures,
someone who may have let the years and miles
take us geographically far in nature,
someone who has never let the years or the miles
take us a moment apart in spirit--
now as someone who I care about and love nearly and dearly,
it occurred to me again today, out of the blue-
only because in a couple of days I haven’t heard from you,
that if something were to you-
How would I know?

I mean, I kinda know your people, and they kinda know me,
but after years of separation, would they consider me a priority,
on a list of phone calls and emails, to say, "Honey, something’s happened," would they come across my name?
Shit, I’ve moved so many damn times,
would the phone number be the same?
Would everyone just assume
that someone else would tell me something,
not knowing that no one had told me anything,
while I’m sitting staring at my empty inbox,
showing me day after day flashing warning signs
that maybe, just maybe, something happened.

Even if I had to 'make that call' what the hell do I dial?
Who am I supposed to call and make my voice fake a smile
as I pretend to casually say, "Hi, I know it’s been a while,
and I’d love to chat and catch up and all,
but really the purpose of this call,
is just because I haven’t heard from my friend in a few days,
and I just want to make sure,
something hasn’t happened."
Oh shit, but what am I supposed to do
if before my first sentence is even through,
my words are cut off by a voice, wracked and stalling,
"Sweetheart, I know why you’re calling.
You might want to sit down."
But I can’t, because I’m already rapidly falling,
because something horrid has happened to my terribly good friend.

You know what, you just need to contact me!
This is not how friends are supposed to be!
Friends are supposed to call just to say hi at least once a week!
Or send some stupid chain email
about sex or gross pictures when you don’t have time to speak!
Friends are supposed to let friends know they are still alive,
that their cars didn’t end up at the bottom of a ditch
the last time they went out for a midnight drive.
How would I know if you were hurt?
How would I know if you were scared?
How would I know if you were injured?
How would I know if you knew I still cared?
How would I know if you needed my hand to lift you up,
or hold you down, or wipe away your tears?
How would I know what I knew when I was near,
now that I know nothing but distance in miles and years?
How will I know any-damn-thing if soon I don’t hear,
something to tell me that something hasn’t happen to-!!
*ring--ring*
"Hello? Oh, hey! Long time no hear!
Oh, no, you know I ain’t worried ‘bout you."