how to discipline a 2 year old

gee, you know i probably shouldn't have stated that as if i have a clue as to how to discipline my 2 year old. i totally don't. and my kid has tantrums.

big ones.

that photo was taken over one year and 20 or so pounds ago (20lbs lighter for me and heavier for him). that photo was taken when he was just strong enough to accidentally headbutt me during a tantrum and give me a black eye. yes, this happened.

fast forward to now. he's 2 1/2 and 40+lbs of super strong boy who insists on my constant undivided attention and the need to do whatever he wants when he wants. he's a toddler, this is what they do.

he's also annoyingly smart sometimes and believes that the ability to clearly state and repeat his case means he's gonna win the debate. for example this afternoon's naptime debate:

me: ok, after this show we're going upstairs. *a few minutes later the show ends* time to go upstairs!

babyluv: no, we go upstairs after the next show.

me: nope, i said when the show went off we were going upstairs.

babyluv: but i have to watch one more. *in his absolute moral imperative pleading voice*

me: no honey, upstairs now.

then i get his thoughtful face:

babyluv: hhmmmm, how about.... one more show and then i can go upstairs?

me: how about we go upstairs.

then he resorts to extreme polite cuteness.

babyluv: please, oh please, mama! pretty please with sugar on time!!! (how he says 'sugar on top' and it's way too cute to correct.)

of course i still have to say no and here's where things can get very dicey. if he's in a cooperative mood, or at least a fair one, he may grumble or whine but he'll do as he's asked with little drama.

but let the wrong mood hit him, and my darling's mood can go from sweet to sour in 0.6 seconds, and there's no telling what i'm in for. it could be he'll fun fall on the floor and thrash about. it could be his blood curdling 'NNNOOOOOOOOOO!!!' it could be he'll 'reach for the nearest object to hurl at the nearest wall and/or person.' or i could hit the trifecta and get all three.

when he and i are home alone together none of these really phases me anymore and they pass quickly. and by quickly i mean.....less than half an hour. but he's smart. he knows it's all about the timing.

he completely understands that jumping up and down on the bed and screaming because he doesn't want to go to sleep gets him ignored unless the other little boy that i keep days is also trying to go to sleep. then i can only ignore him for so long and if he decides to pull the 'pull his friend's arm.' bit or the 'throw toys and run from one room to the other.' number i have to pay some sort of attention to him or the other little boy never gets to sleep.

but what kind of attention do i give him?

truthfully, it depends on both of our levels of sanity at the time. sometimes just asking him if he's being a bad boy will make him straighten out. he doesn't like being considered a bad boy. i've actually even done the imaginary call to daddy:

'hello daddy, he's being a bad boy, you might not be able to take him to the playground.'

there have been numerous times i took the other little boy into our bedroom to lie down and left my angry son alone in his own room, but i'm not big on the 'cry it out' method so after maybe 3-4 minutes we return to a somewhat discouraged boy.

but there have been times when after an hour of bargains, threats of taking away things, telling him he's not being a good boy, even reverting to semi-swaddling by laying him down in his bed on his side, curling his arms up, putting him under a blanket and gently holding him in place while i rock him, nothing works. nothing.

sometimes nothing works and both of their naps are thrown off by an hour until he just gets his emotions out and i have to just accept that and roll with it. really, what else can i do?

at the end of the day, especially on days when i have to try every method above to get him to eat, sleep, share, play nice, walk up or down the steps, everything that he decides that day he simply can't do, i have to truly assess my mothering skills.

1. is he still alive. check.

2. did i manage to not slap the taste outta his mouth or otherwise put a hand on my child. check.

3. today did we give each other a generous amount of hugs and kisses and tell each other we love each other. check.

4. is he happy, healthy and as emotionally stable as a toddler can be. check.

5. am i proud of him. check.

6. did i make it thru today. check.

then all right. i've been a  good mom for another day.