detangling tips & techniques for natural hair (by Oyinhandmade)

detangling tips & techniques for natural hair (by Oyinhandmade)

__________

i've gotten a lot of hair questions recently, in person and via the interwebs. i've never tried to say i'm a real hair care expert but i think it's a testimony to the health of my hair and my son's hair that people ask me for hair advice. it's flattering and i'm touched and i want to give good advice.

so i'm gonna let the experts help me in advising you! the question i get asked the most is how do i detangle my hair and my son's hair. this video shows exactly what i do for both of us, using the fantastic Oyin Handmade Honey Hemp Conditioner! the only change is for my son i can usually put the conditioner in his hair right before bath time and just let it sit while he plays with submarine and rubber duckie.

i hope this helps!

Hard-Working Mom... or Hardly Working? | BlogHer

i just read an article on BlogHer that i wanted to share; Hard-Working Mom... or Hardly Working?

this is a very sweet article that i completely relate to. i'm a stay/work at home mom and i constantly feel that i'm not doing enough. i imagine that my fiance, friends, blog readers.....everyone who knows me, thinks i'm living some sorta easy life of lounging and playing and it makes me feel highly inadequate.

but then i look at my awesome big boy and i know that i'll gladly take the financial and social loss to watch him grow everyday and never miss a single 'first' experience. i see how happy he is and i know i'm doing the right thing for us.

are you a stay/work at home mom or a mom that works out of the house? what's your experience? do you have any regrets?

Hard-Working Mom... or Hardly Working? | BlogHer

relatively happy new year

taken about 12:05 am. new year's 2011, five minutes after babyluv realized the combination of staying up til midnight then having a room full of adults countdown to an ear-splitting scream and trumpet of noise-makers can wreak havoc on a two year old's fragile nerves.

leather and steel

So I'm sitting here, taking a break from folding the mountains of laundry I've managed to do this morning, and I was feeling all accomplished. I decided to take a photo of mount laundrymore to share with y'all my great task. then I glanced down at my sexy new piece of leather and steel and decided to share that instead. ;)




many thanks to Bead Siam on Etsy for the great piece!

how to discipline a 2 year old

gee, you know i probably shouldn't have stated that as if i have a clue as to how to discipline my 2 year old. i totally don't. and my kid has tantrums.

big ones.

that photo was taken over one year and 20 or so pounds ago (20lbs lighter for me and heavier for him). that photo was taken when he was just strong enough to accidentally headbutt me during a tantrum and give me a black eye. yes, this happened.

fast forward to now. he's 2 1/2 and 40+lbs of super strong boy who insists on my constant undivided attention and the need to do whatever he wants when he wants. he's a toddler, this is what they do.

he's also annoyingly smart sometimes and believes that the ability to clearly state and repeat his case means he's gonna win the debate. for example this afternoon's naptime debate:

me: ok, after this show we're going upstairs. *a few minutes later the show ends* time to go upstairs!

babyluv: no, we go upstairs after the next show.

me: nope, i said when the show went off we were going upstairs.

babyluv: but i have to watch one more. *in his absolute moral imperative pleading voice*

me: no honey, upstairs now.

then i get his thoughtful face:

babyluv: hhmmmm, how about.... one more show and then i can go upstairs?

me: how about we go upstairs.

then he resorts to extreme polite cuteness.

babyluv: please, oh please, mama! pretty please with sugar on time!!! (how he says 'sugar on top' and it's way too cute to correct.)

of course i still have to say no and here's where things can get very dicey. if he's in a cooperative mood, or at least a fair one, he may grumble or whine but he'll do as he's asked with little drama.

but let the wrong mood hit him, and my darling's mood can go from sweet to sour in 0.6 seconds, and there's no telling what i'm in for. it could be he'll fun fall on the floor and thrash about. it could be his blood curdling 'NNNOOOOOOOOOO!!!' it could be he'll 'reach for the nearest object to hurl at the nearest wall and/or person.' or i could hit the trifecta and get all three.

when he and i are home alone together none of these really phases me anymore and they pass quickly. and by quickly i mean.....less than half an hour. but he's smart. he knows it's all about the timing.

he completely understands that jumping up and down on the bed and screaming because he doesn't want to go to sleep gets him ignored unless the other little boy that i keep days is also trying to go to sleep. then i can only ignore him for so long and if he decides to pull the 'pull his friend's arm.' bit or the 'throw toys and run from one room to the other.' number i have to pay some sort of attention to him or the other little boy never gets to sleep.

but what kind of attention do i give him?

truthfully, it depends on both of our levels of sanity at the time. sometimes just asking him if he's being a bad boy will make him straighten out. he doesn't like being considered a bad boy. i've actually even done the imaginary call to daddy:

'hello daddy, he's being a bad boy, you might not be able to take him to the playground.'

there have been numerous times i took the other little boy into our bedroom to lie down and left my angry son alone in his own room, but i'm not big on the 'cry it out' method so after maybe 3-4 minutes we return to a somewhat discouraged boy.

but there have been times when after an hour of bargains, threats of taking away things, telling him he's not being a good boy, even reverting to semi-swaddling by laying him down in his bed on his side, curling his arms up, putting him under a blanket and gently holding him in place while i rock him, nothing works. nothing.

sometimes nothing works and both of their naps are thrown off by an hour until he just gets his emotions out and i have to just accept that and roll with it. really, what else can i do?

at the end of the day, especially on days when i have to try every method above to get him to eat, sleep, share, play nice, walk up or down the steps, everything that he decides that day he simply can't do, i have to truly assess my mothering skills.

1. is he still alive. check.

2. did i manage to not slap the taste outta his mouth or otherwise put a hand on my child. check.

3. today did we give each other a generous amount of hugs and kisses and tell each other we love each other. check.

4. is he happy, healthy and as emotionally stable as a toddler can be. check.

5. am i proud of him. check.

6. did i make it thru today. check.

then all right. i've been a  good mom for another day.

insomnia

the gas face

i'm an insomniac. it's one of a few sleep issues i've always had and probably the only one that really bothers me. not being able to sleep is nasty business and not for the weak of mind or short of temper. granted, after a week or two of insomnia anyone's bound to be weak of mind and short of temper, but at least if you don't start out that way it might take you longer to notice.

for example, i talk to myself. a lot. it's bad. but since having my boy it's gotten worse because i've always talked to him. in the womb, as a newborn, always. even now we have full conversations and he's only 2 1/2. but i think that wearing him in a front carrier and doing things like asking him during walks 'honey do you think we should go left or right? right? well then right it is!' has soaked into my nature and now i can't stop. i actually catch myself having these same conversations to no one but myself. out loud and with feeling. 'what am i gonna eat? does a sandwich sound good? well then a sandwich it is!!'

at one point i thought i'd toned it down but eventually i realized i was just talking in more of a whisper, which only proved to make me look crazier.

but after a week or so of no good sleep i'm even talking to myself with my son sitting right there. i have full fledged conversations and i don't even notice it....right up until i see that look of baffled amusement on my son's face. he never asks me who i'm talking to- he's 2, imaginary conversations are his life. he just stares at me with his curious eyes and crooked grin and i'm pulled out of whatever conversation i'm having with me.

the temper is another story.

i have a fairly long but oddly explosive temper. i've always been able to disregard a lot of crap before i get really mad, a trait that serves a chic like me. it helps me look for the humor, balance, or benefit first in whatever situation or outcome. it takes a lot to piss me off. but when it happens i have very little control over the hulkian green rage that washes over me.

i've gotten into lots of trouble because of this.

my son is a spirited boy. spirited as in a very sweet way of saying he has the energy of a hummingbird, the strength of a bull and the brains of a really friggin smart kid. and he's 2. and most days i keep another spirited boy. another 2 yr. old spirited boy. it's......fun.

my temper has become a razor's edge with me stuffing an elmo toy down a kid's throat on one side and me chaining a child to the backyard fence on the other.

so, insomniac mom has had enough. tonight i try a valerian/hot milk combo with a benadryl chaser and maybe the wall street journal on audible. i'll be sleep before they finish reading the title.

he loves, we hate

my son will be 2 years old in a month. i know i'm in store for big fun potty training, grand scale temper tantrums, lots of new vocabulary, and budding personality traits, but have no mistake this boy is definitely his own person. he is a very verbal and articulate little man and has no problem telling me and anyone else what he wants, doesn't want, likes and dislikes.

and therein lies my dilemma as a mom.

when my li'l one decided to boycott eating all things red, i patiently complied. i knew it was a phase that would last as long as a 1 year old's attention span can last and of course it did pass (granted, he then decided to boycott eating the color orange, but my patience still prevails). my sweet boy is now adamantly protesting wearing any shirts with tags in the collar. i rather agree with this protest, itchy tags in baby clothes are just mean! but what happens when he absolutely LOVES something that i, or his father, hates?

at the moment, there's a particular cartoon that our boy absolutely loves, i mean he loves it. when he woke up this morning it was the first thing he asked for and at night it's the last thing he wants to see. i know it's just another one in what's bound to be an ongoing series of phases and i think it's rather funny. daddy however is not so amused. as much as our boy loves this cartoon, that's how much his father hates it. i mean he really hates it.


i don't let our son watch anything that i haven't watched first and nothing that doesn't benefit him in some way. anything he watches has to teach him something good, so it's not that this particular cartoon is harmful in anyway. his father just thinks it's a lame cartoon. that's the problem. the cartoon is not objectionable just unlikeable. so do we inflict our likes, our personal preferences on our son and not let him watch this cartoon or allow his personal preferences to bloom as they naturally will?

i've always loathed when parents say things like "my child will only eat chicken nuggets" or "my 5 year old loves the song 'birthday sex'" because as far as i'm concerned it means the child is the parent and the parent has allowed that child to run over them. a child has no job and can't buy themselves chicken nuggets or a cd so that parent has to provide these things. thus their statement should be "i only buy my child chicken nuggets" or "i let my child listen to 'birthday sex'". to me, these parents have a problem with accountability and a bigger problem with their parenting skills because in essence they're blaming their children for actions that it's the parents responsibility to control.

these parents also have the problem of wanting to be their child's 'friend' instead of the 'parent'. i thoroughly understand not wanting to deny your child something they really want, i know how tough it can be when a sad-faced, miserable kid begs and pleads for something i just don't want him to have or i know he shouldn't have. it goes from annoying to heartbreaking rapidly, but i'm his mother not his friend. my biggest role as his mother is to protect him and i can't do that if i'm too busy trying to be his friend. but in an effort to protect him the converse is also true.

as far as i'm concerned, just because i dislike something doesn't mean i have the right to keep it from him if it's something that does him no actual harm and especially if it's something that helps him. thinking back to my childhood and adolescence my parents were pretty good about living this concept. they created a learning environment in our home so that the things that were in my life as a child were all beneficial to my growing brain until i was able to earn my own money and indulge in my own preferences. i know they were not fans of the very loud heavy metal and even louder clothes and makeup, but their objections were few. their method was to expose me to as much as possible so that i had a wide berth of knowledge to learn from and develop. the end result is a 35 year old woman who can still rock hard with the best of 'em, or mellow out to some nina simone or sam cooke.

i will protect my son to the best of my ability everyday of his life. that means he will never have a chicken nugget that i don't cook myself or listen to any song with a title like 'birthday sex' until he's able to buy these things with his own hard earned cash, even if that doesn't happen until he's 18.

that also means i won't be forcing my likes or dislikes on him because then i'm not allowing him to be his own person, and frankly i'm very curious as to who that person is going to be and i can't wait to meet him!

Welcoming Me Back

I think around the eigth month of pregnancy I started to really grasp the fact that I was actually having a baby.

Really, 'being pregnant' and 'having a baby' are two entirely different things. I focused on 'being pregnant', eating right, exercising the muscles in all the right places, getting doctors and making (and keeping) more appointments than I've ever had. Being pregnant was a lot but I was getting the hang of it.

And then it occurred to me one day that I wasn't just pregnant, I was having a baby!! I was going to be responsible for a tiny, delicate, fragile life that I have to raise and educate and prepare for the world! Are you kidding me!?!

I had more than one minor anxiety attack.

Luckily, it didn't take me as long to adjust to motherhood as it did to adjust to 'having a baby'. My baby is only 10 weeks old and I can honestly say 'I get it'.  Yes I am totally responsible for a tiny, delicate, fragile life that I have to raise and educate and prepare for the world, but it's so much more basic than that. My baby boy has the most beautiful, crooked, open-mouth giggle that I get rewarded with regularly. My baby boy recognizes me and will look for me when under stress; I bring him comfort. My baby boy will be a big boy, then a young man, and then a man, and I will give all that my soul has to make sure he's a damn good man.

My love for him initially made me frantic, self-conscious, neurotic and probably made me seem a bit nuts. I'm a first time mother, cut me some slack. Now, my love for him makes me cautious but joyous because I can see his love for me. His cute little baby love!

So, with all that said, I can feel the transition taking place. I can feel my certainty and confidence in the mother that I've always been and I'm feeling like 'me' again. I'm feeling my legs up under me again and I feel steady.

I wanted to pause for one second in the midst of my motherhood and welcome me back to the world.

Good to see you again!