It's the little things

It's the little things. 󾬑󾬑#BirthofBabyBump #teenytinybaby #boppy #Boys #LOVEPS. Say hello to Aman Asad, our Peaceful Lion! #HeHasAName!!

Posted by Rashida Braxton Simmons on Wednesday, May 6, 2015

WHEW!! So, yea, we had another baby!

WHEW!! So, yea, we had another baby!! I'm doing good and baby boy is doing great! We're still in the hospital but...

Posted by Rashida Braxton Simmons on Saturday, May 2, 2015

Introducing Sir Fuss A Lot

Introducing Sir Fuss A Lot!! LOL! We're still working on the name. He's the cutest, fussiest little thing in town, and looks just like our big boy did at birth. I'm totally in love! 󾬏#birthofBabyBump #thenewbie

Posted by Rashida Braxton Simmons on Saturday, May 2, 2015

Uncensored Mama

I will not censor myself in the name of motherhood.

For me, motherhood was the addition of newer levels of love, responsibility, knowledge, confusion, hope and fear. It added a new perspective to my past experiences and future goals. It added a life other than my own that I was required to care for with as much attention (if not more) than I gave myself. So many things were added to my life.

But I don't want to remove parts of me. I don't want to censor who I am in the name of motherhood. I don't want to force myself into a Rashida that doesn't fit so that I eventually regret being slowly smothered.

Like cursing! Ugh! I curse a lot, I really do. As a kid I spent a lot of time around adults, either the adult family and friends of my parents or their adult co-workers and colleagues, many of whom were politicians and celebrities. I heard A LOT of cursing! I heard a great deal of refined, articulate, proper English but I heard just as much foul-mouthed CUSSING!

Because of this I learned an understanding of it. Who uses it, who doesn't, when people use it and when they try not to. I heard my dad converse using his extensive vocabulary minus any curse words and get his point across and I heard him put drunken sailors to shame and get his point across. I learned that all words have power and value and should be used accordingly.

So I don't teach my son that there are 'bad' words just 'inappropriate' words. There are words that he isn't allowed to use just yet until he has a better understanding of how to use them appropriately because using them in the wrong time and place could hurt someone's feelings or make someone angry. He's a very sensitive kid and hates to see someone upset  or angry so that's important to him.

"The Very Inappropriate Word" by Jim Tobin

But teaching him this understanding of language makes it easier for me to include words that we often hate to hear kids say but never take the time to explain to them why they shouldn't. For example, my son knows I get more upset hearing him say someone is stupid that hearing him say 'shit'. 'Stupid' is a personal insult, it's an attempt to cause emotional injury and it's mean, I'm not raising a mean kid. But when he says 'shit' he says it like I say it, as a show of emotion, usually out of frustration and directed inwardly. To him it's just an interjection like Yikes! or Rats! I'll drop a book and say 'Shit!' or realize we're running late and say 'Oh shit!' I don't use it in a hurtful way so neither does he. Intention is just as important as language, as far as I'm concerned and having a firm and unabashed perspective of language makes that clear.

But more importantly he learns through my example. This is the beauty and terror of being a homeschooling family, he spends the majority of his day with us, me in particular since Mar works out of the home. So he learns by what he sees me do. Oh the POWER! It's terrifying!! Until I actually paid attention and realized my kid doesn't curse! He occasionally says curse words which his father and I completely ignore, then he doesn't say it again. We don't scold him, we don't laugh, we don't give anymore attention to Fuck! than Oh bother! (He's a Pooh fan.) He has no 'shock value' associated with these words but he has an understanding of which one's are inappropriate and why. He sees me around him and other kids all day every day and I don't curse. Not at all. I especially don't use words like 'dumb' or 'stupid' or 'shut up', which to me are so much more harmful to the actual emotional growth and health of a child than 'shit' could ever be. And guess what, my son has never cursed around other kids or called another kid 'dumb' or 'stupid' or told a kid to 'shut up' and in fact gets uncomfortable seeing other's do so. He says, "They don't know those words hurt your feelings?"

But when his dad and I talk or when other grown ups come around the language changes. We allow him the same freedom (while explaining to the adults our causal policy) and he has learned to easily adapt. He might ask his favorite auntie "Why did you say 'Damn? but if he hears someone curse in public he quietly whispers the question in my ear.

So instead of censoring myself I am forced to learn because I have to teach. I have to be able to explain my actions in the most basic terms. I have to pay attention to my actions. I don't see that as censorship but self love and self growth. I'm not doing anything different, I'm just more aware of what I'm doing. I think this applies to every part of my parenting, I don't censor just act in a conscious fashion. How I eat, how I work, how I behave in front of my child. This way I'm true to my authentic self so my child learns to be true to himself. That's more important than a little shit, dontcha think?

a message to the men

i just wanted to take a moment to honor the fact that i'm very proud of all the men in my life! i honestly am! i just took stock of all the men that are actually in my life; the men that are not just related, but family, not just associations, but friends. and if i call you either, i consider you a good man.

thank you!

please believe that you're all raising my son with his father and i and if he learns from you what true meaning of manhood is, i know that he'll be a good man.

again, and sincerely, i thank you.

detangling tips & techniques for natural hair (by Oyinhandmade)

detangling tips & techniques for natural hair (by Oyinhandmade)

__________

i've gotten a lot of hair questions recently, in person and via the interwebs. i've never tried to say i'm a real hair care expert but i think it's a testimony to the health of my hair and my son's hair that people ask me for hair advice. it's flattering and i'm touched and i want to give good advice.

so i'm gonna let the experts help me in advising you! the question i get asked the most is how do i detangle my hair and my son's hair. this video shows exactly what i do for both of us, using the fantastic Oyin Handmade Honey Hemp Conditioner! the only change is for my son i can usually put the conditioner in his hair right before bath time and just let it sit while he plays with submarine and rubber duckie.

i hope this helps!

Dr. Charles W. Simmons is creating Black History today

Dr. Charles W. Simmons is President and founder of Sojourner-Douglass College, the only private, predominantly African American, degree granting college in the State of Maryland with six Maryland campuses and one in Nassau, Bahamas. Dr. Simmons is Black History in the making and he happens to be my dad.

Unruly!

For all those who don't know, I gave birth to that wild child that you rolled your eyes at because he was running away from his parents in the supermarket then falling out on the floor screaming NOOOOOOO right after grabbing some random breakable item off the shelf. Yea, that adorable li'l tyrant in all those photos. And yet he's still alive and just barely spanking free.

That doesn't mean I haven't sat and contemplated how I could make him wear one of those doggy shock collars without going to jail.

Don't judge me.

Thanks to Aja Dorsey Jackson of Black and Married With Kids for sharing your unruly child story!

Unruly! How To Tame a Wild Child by Aja Dorsey Jackson of Black and Married With Kids

BABIES!!

this is truly one of the sweetest, most wonderful documentaries I have ever seen! it's simply a candid look into the lives of four babies in four different parts of the world, from birth to age one.

in the words of daddyluv, it's like 'march of the penguins' but with babies. *single tear for the penguins*

if you're a Netflix subscriber it's available to watch instantly!

he loves, we hate

my son will be 2 years old in a month. i know i'm in store for big fun potty training, grand scale temper tantrums, lots of new vocabulary, and budding personality traits, but have no mistake this boy is definitely his own person. he is a very verbal and articulate little man and has no problem telling me and anyone else what he wants, doesn't want, likes and dislikes.

and therein lies my dilemma as a mom.

when my li'l one decided to boycott eating all things red, i patiently complied. i knew it was a phase that would last as long as a 1 year old's attention span can last and of course it did pass (granted, he then decided to boycott eating the color orange, but my patience still prevails). my sweet boy is now adamantly protesting wearing any shirts with tags in the collar. i rather agree with this protest, itchy tags in baby clothes are just mean! but what happens when he absolutely LOVES something that i, or his father, hates?

at the moment, there's a particular cartoon that our boy absolutely loves, i mean he loves it. when he woke up this morning it was the first thing he asked for and at night it's the last thing he wants to see. i know it's just another one in what's bound to be an ongoing series of phases and i think it's rather funny. daddy however is not so amused. as much as our boy loves this cartoon, that's how much his father hates it. i mean he really hates it.


i don't let our son watch anything that i haven't watched first and nothing that doesn't benefit him in some way. anything he watches has to teach him something good, so it's not that this particular cartoon is harmful in anyway. his father just thinks it's a lame cartoon. that's the problem. the cartoon is not objectionable just unlikeable. so do we inflict our likes, our personal preferences on our son and not let him watch this cartoon or allow his personal preferences to bloom as they naturally will?

i've always loathed when parents say things like "my child will only eat chicken nuggets" or "my 5 year old loves the song 'birthday sex'" because as far as i'm concerned it means the child is the parent and the parent has allowed that child to run over them. a child has no job and can't buy themselves chicken nuggets or a cd so that parent has to provide these things. thus their statement should be "i only buy my child chicken nuggets" or "i let my child listen to 'birthday sex'". to me, these parents have a problem with accountability and a bigger problem with their parenting skills because in essence they're blaming their children for actions that it's the parents responsibility to control.

these parents also have the problem of wanting to be their child's 'friend' instead of the 'parent'. i thoroughly understand not wanting to deny your child something they really want, i know how tough it can be when a sad-faced, miserable kid begs and pleads for something i just don't want him to have or i know he shouldn't have. it goes from annoying to heartbreaking rapidly, but i'm his mother not his friend. my biggest role as his mother is to protect him and i can't do that if i'm too busy trying to be his friend. but in an effort to protect him the converse is also true.

as far as i'm concerned, just because i dislike something doesn't mean i have the right to keep it from him if it's something that does him no actual harm and especially if it's something that helps him. thinking back to my childhood and adolescence my parents were pretty good about living this concept. they created a learning environment in our home so that the things that were in my life as a child were all beneficial to my growing brain until i was able to earn my own money and indulge in my own preferences. i know they were not fans of the very loud heavy metal and even louder clothes and makeup, but their objections were few. their method was to expose me to as much as possible so that i had a wide berth of knowledge to learn from and develop. the end result is a 35 year old woman who can still rock hard with the best of 'em, or mellow out to some nina simone or sam cooke.

i will protect my son to the best of my ability everyday of his life. that means he will never have a chicken nugget that i don't cook myself or listen to any song with a title like 'birthday sex' until he's able to buy these things with his own hard earned cash, even if that doesn't happen until he's 18.

that also means i won't be forcing my likes or dislikes on him because then i'm not allowing him to be his own person, and frankly i'm very curious as to who that person is going to be and i can't wait to meet him!

babylove's love

this is a notice to everyone who will spend time with our baby boy alone, the people who love him and want to bond with him. he's a really good kid, honest! he doesn't mean to break your furniture and pull apart your electronic devices. he's just curious and very enthusiastic.

we want you to know that he probably likes you, he's very friendly, but he does have some unusual ways of showing affection, coupled with his....enthusiasm, it's easy to confuse his affection for minor acts of terrorism. this is a basic guide to understanding babylove's expressions of affection.



1. if he stares at you blankly for extended periods he probably likes you, or at least he's interested in learning what you're bringing to the table. captivate him with exagerated funny faces & sound effects and you've made a friend.

2. if he shrieks and runs away from you, he likes you. he just gets so excited in your presence he simply must flee. this is how he responds everytime he sees his father!

3. if he throws things at you he does like you. especially if he aims for your head. he's just sharing.

4. if he asks you to pick him up, then immediately put him down, then pick him up again, then repeat, he really likes you. he thinks you're worthy of being his plaything.

5. if he runs at you then pummels you about the head, neck, and chest with his strong little fists he thinks you're great! you're so great he can't believe you're real unless he pounds on you repeatedly!

6. if he's sitting on your lap and suddenly tries to agressively climb, you he loves you! he loves you so much he has to get closer to you, climb inside of you even.

7. on the rarest of occassions he will actually take your face in both of his little hands, says 'mmmmmaaahhh!' and plant one right on the kisser! this means.....well we're actually not sure. it happens so rarely we haven't had many instances to study this behavior. but we're hopeful!

so there you have it, a basic rundown of how babylove shows his love. so when you hand him back over to us just consider all of your bumps, bruises, and broken items to be signs of love!