29 November 2011
19 November 2011
15 November 2011
07 November 2011
walking a tightrope
days like today I wonder if I'll ever find a true balance in motherhood, my relationship and work. as I write this I'm thoroughly exhausted, grappling with a migraine, wanting to snuggle up with my man but listening to our son tossing and turning trying to fall asleep and it's 11:30pm. yet I feel like I didn't accomplish 90% of what I needed to do today.
I have no idea how to do this! I have friends with more than one kid and they have careers and run businesses and have beautiful loving relationships and seemingly seamless lives. I know there's no such thing as a seamless life but mine often feels like a patchwork quilt of frustration, exhaustion, foolishness and nonsense. how do successful moms balance all these things!?!
in the midst of it all I can acknowledge the great things in my life. I have a truly awesome kid, a loving fantastic hubby, a marvelous family and family of friends, my health (and a healthy hubby and kid) and we're dead ass broke but at least we're not living in our car or *gulp* with either of our parents.
but in the midst of it all I have a very sensitive son who told me the other day he wanted daddy because I work too much, a hubby who I know I neglect too often, and 'work' that I can barely generate an income from.
I know there is a balance that will allow all the main aspects of my life to stay on an even keel with the occasional tilts to one side or the other but not so much that I plummet. it's there, somewhere, lurking in the darkness and if I'm patient and remember that my relationship is only 4 years old, my son is only 3 years old and stop being so hard on myself things will level out.
but in the meantime i'll keep looking forward, never looking down, and hold tight to that pole that is my strength and sanity and be grateful that if nothing else I'm rarely bored and most folks tend to like the show!
I have no idea how to do this! I have friends with more than one kid and they have careers and run businesses and have beautiful loving relationships and seemingly seamless lives. I know there's no such thing as a seamless life but mine often feels like a patchwork quilt of frustration, exhaustion, foolishness and nonsense. how do successful moms balance all these things!?!
in the midst of it all I can acknowledge the great things in my life. I have a truly awesome kid, a loving fantastic hubby, a marvelous family and family of friends, my health (and a healthy hubby and kid) and we're dead ass broke but at least we're not living in our car or *gulp* with either of our parents.
but in the midst of it all I have a very sensitive son who told me the other day he wanted daddy because I work too much, a hubby who I know I neglect too often, and 'work' that I can barely generate an income from.
I know there is a balance that will allow all the main aspects of my life to stay on an even keel with the occasional tilts to one side or the other but not so much that I plummet. it's there, somewhere, lurking in the darkness and if I'm patient and remember that my relationship is only 4 years old, my son is only 3 years old and stop being so hard on myself things will level out.
but in the meantime i'll keep looking forward, never looking down, and hold tight to that pole that is my strength and sanity and be grateful that if nothing else I'm rarely bored and most folks tend to like the show!
06 November 2011
NaBloPoMo - Blogging for Blogging's Sake
right now lots of fantastic things are popping up that are making me refocus my attention on writing and that's a very good thing. i need to reintegrate 'myself' into my life, being a stay-at-home-mom i realize that 'mom' and 'home' tend to be the predominate traits in my life. but writing has always been my release and a part of my life so i welcome the chance to allow it a comeback (now of course the lyrics 'don't call it a comeback, i've been here for years!' are running thru my head).
anyway, one of the things that i'm using to focus myself and keep my fingers and mind flowing is NaBloPoMo!
many of you know of NaNoWriMo or National Novel Writing Month which encourages and guides budding novel writers in writing a novel of 50,000 words in 30 days. it's a huge endeavor but can be very fun and stimulating. well NaBloPoMo is an initiative of Blogher.com to encourage and guide bloggers in posting a blog everyday for 30 days. a theme is picked and daily writing prompts (monday thru friday, weekends are free writing days) help to keep the ideas and motivation flowing. i just happened to decide to jump in this month when the theme just happens to be 'blogging for blogging's sake'!
this month is perfect for me since while i usually do have underlying intentions for the posts i write, most of the time i'm just writing to get all the voices and ideas out of my head. especially now when 90% of my in-person conversations are with a 3 year old who might be very smart but i don't think he truly appreciates my discussions on current affairs or social networking.
so, although i'm a few days late i'm going with the 'better late than never' policy and jumping in with both feet! feel free to read along or to start your own NaBloPoMo journey or check out the other awesome bloggers churning out posts everyday for NaBloPoMo. happy blogging!!
anyway, one of the things that i'm using to focus myself and keep my fingers and mind flowing is NaBloPoMo!
many of you know of NaNoWriMo or National Novel Writing Month which encourages and guides budding novel writers in writing a novel of 50,000 words in 30 days. it's a huge endeavor but can be very fun and stimulating. well NaBloPoMo is an initiative of Blogher.com to encourage and guide bloggers in posting a blog everyday for 30 days. a theme is picked and daily writing prompts (monday thru friday, weekends are free writing days) help to keep the ideas and motivation flowing. i just happened to decide to jump in this month when the theme just happens to be 'blogging for blogging's sake'!
this month is perfect for me since while i usually do have underlying intentions for the posts i write, most of the time i'm just writing to get all the voices and ideas out of my head. especially now when 90% of my in-person conversations are with a 3 year old who might be very smart but i don't think he truly appreciates my discussions on current affairs or social networking.
so, although i'm a few days late i'm going with the 'better late than never' policy and jumping in with both feet! feel free to read along or to start your own NaBloPoMo journey or check out the other awesome bloggers churning out posts everyday for NaBloPoMo. happy blogging!!
05 November 2011
hair we go!
this photo has me in a bit of a tizzy.
it was shared on a friend's FaceBook page with the caption "Praise the Lord!", indicating she took a liking to it. personally, i have to agree. strongly. i showed the photo to my hubby, since we like to compare notes on what we think is attractive and he thinks the photo is great! however the comments from many of the women is just the opposite. lots of 'eewww!' and 'werewolf!' and equally negative remarks populate my friend's thread and the thread of the person who originally posted the photo.
at first i thought 'to each his or her own' and i still believe that. until people started to take it farther, taking tallies of how many women didn't like him and saying only gay men like the photo. the bandwagoning got a bit annoying for me but it took me a little while to figure out why.
black women are highly defensive of all things that make us black women. we indignantly justify our behavior, our tastes, our style, our bodies as characteristics of strong black women. and black women who consider themselves 'natural' which usually means their hair, are even more so. if someone condescends to speak negatively about a 'natural black woman' trait all of black womanhood stands in loud open defiance.
but these women were cutting this man down, not for his gym made muscles or something that he physically altered, they were cutting him down for the one thing that he left 'natural'; his body hair. i can't even recall ever seeing a male model that wasn't waxed and buffed to a high sheen so that light bounced off his hairless body. this dude is HOT and PROUD to be hairy as all get out. and what do we do, trash him for it. not just say 'he's not my type' and leave it at that, no, we name call and bandwagon and basically do all the petty shit that we hate on others for doing to us.
let this dude post a photo of a beautiful black woman with an afro and have a single comment in his thread saying 'eeewww!' or 'too nappy!' and black women would probably flag his profile and try to have him banned from FaceBook for being a racist. but we can say all sorts of hateful things and try to justify our hate by counting how many other folks are being hateful too, and it's all good.
i can totally see why more gay men like this photo than straight women, because straight women (in this country) aren't even comfortable with our own body hair. we've been trained to trim the hedges and mow the lawns, waxing, shaving and tweezing ourselves into oblivion. that's our own hangup, why make it his. men are comfortable with body hair because men have body hair. simple.
and of course, if he were waxed and shiny the same women who have nothing good to say now would still have nothing good to say because of course a man who spends that much time on personal grooming (and look at this dude, grooming all that would take some time) must be gay! so he's screwed in the small eyes of these women either way. good thing he probably doesn't give a rat's ass, look at him, i'm sure he gets whatever play he wants.
and i will say that maybe my personal preference is a bit biased since my hubby is a proud, hairy man and i love his hair! LOVE IT! i love laying my head on his furry chest and running my fingers thru that thick mass of hair when we're talking. and my man is also ultra hot, yes he is! (that's him, splishing and splashing in all his hairy glory!)
personal preference is human nature, we can't choose what we are or are not attracted to. but name calling and bandwagoning for any reason speaks less to personal preference and more to personal faults. 'that's not for me.' means the same thing as 'eeewww!', one is just decidedly more mature, dontcha think?
it was shared on a friend's FaceBook page with the caption "Praise the Lord!", indicating she took a liking to it. personally, i have to agree. strongly. i showed the photo to my hubby, since we like to compare notes on what we think is attractive and he thinks the photo is great! however the comments from many of the women is just the opposite. lots of 'eewww!' and 'werewolf!' and equally negative remarks populate my friend's thread and the thread of the person who originally posted the photo.
at first i thought 'to each his or her own' and i still believe that. until people started to take it farther, taking tallies of how many women didn't like him and saying only gay men like the photo. the bandwagoning got a bit annoying for me but it took me a little while to figure out why.
black women are highly defensive of all things that make us black women. we indignantly justify our behavior, our tastes, our style, our bodies as characteristics of strong black women. and black women who consider themselves 'natural' which usually means their hair, are even more so. if someone condescends to speak negatively about a 'natural black woman' trait all of black womanhood stands in loud open defiance.
but these women were cutting this man down, not for his gym made muscles or something that he physically altered, they were cutting him down for the one thing that he left 'natural'; his body hair. i can't even recall ever seeing a male model that wasn't waxed and buffed to a high sheen so that light bounced off his hairless body. this dude is HOT and PROUD to be hairy as all get out. and what do we do, trash him for it. not just say 'he's not my type' and leave it at that, no, we name call and bandwagon and basically do all the petty shit that we hate on others for doing to us.
let this dude post a photo of a beautiful black woman with an afro and have a single comment in his thread saying 'eeewww!' or 'too nappy!' and black women would probably flag his profile and try to have him banned from FaceBook for being a racist. but we can say all sorts of hateful things and try to justify our hate by counting how many other folks are being hateful too, and it's all good.
i can totally see why more gay men like this photo than straight women, because straight women (in this country) aren't even comfortable with our own body hair. we've been trained to trim the hedges and mow the lawns, waxing, shaving and tweezing ourselves into oblivion. that's our own hangup, why make it his. men are comfortable with body hair because men have body hair. simple.
and of course, if he were waxed and shiny the same women who have nothing good to say now would still have nothing good to say because of course a man who spends that much time on personal grooming (and look at this dude, grooming all that would take some time) must be gay! so he's screwed in the small eyes of these women either way. good thing he probably doesn't give a rat's ass, look at him, i'm sure he gets whatever play he wants.
and i will say that maybe my personal preference is a bit biased since my hubby is a proud, hairy man and i love his hair! LOVE IT! i love laying my head on his furry chest and running my fingers thru that thick mass of hair when we're talking. and my man is also ultra hot, yes he is! (that's him, splishing and splashing in all his hairy glory!)
personal preference is human nature, we can't choose what we are or are not attracted to. but name calling and bandwagoning for any reason speaks less to personal preference and more to personal faults. 'that's not for me.' means the same thing as 'eeewww!', one is just decidedly more mature, dontcha think?
02 November 2011
tricks and treats!
this past monday was halloween, my favorite holiday and thus, a household favorite! it was actually babyluv's first real door-to-door trick or treating so it was super cute! last year we dressed him up in his monkey suit (compliments of his awesome aunties zozo and laurie) and we took him to fell's point in baltimore where the store and restaurant owners are always eager to dress up and let the kids trick or treat. he loved it but was more fascinated by the other costumes to grasp the trick or treating concept.
this year we dressed him up in the same monkey costume because first of all, he asked for it so why not let him, it is supposed to be his fun day after all and secondly, it was a little big on him last year and just a touch small this year so WHY NOT! it was still positively precious and he was the only monkey in a sea cartoon characters, mostly superheroes and various princesses. and this year he mostly GOT IT, the whole trick or treat thing, especially since we taught him the steps (our boy LOVES knowing the steps to a process so he can do a checklist #superkidnerdsunite). daddy taught him: 
step 1. ring the doorbell.
step 2. take a step back (increases politeness, reduces 'smack in the head with door' injuries).
step 3. when the door opens shout 'trick or treat!' use your OUTSIDE VOICE!! (give a kid permission to scream, tell him it's even part of the process, the fun factor doubles immediately.)
step 4. hold your bag open or reach in the bowl for treats.
step 5. in your OUTSIDE VOICE say 'THANK YOU!'
once he got tired he added his own step 6. hand the treat bag to mama and have daddy pick him up and carry him.
we almost felt bad about the fact that we had zero intention of letting him eat a single thing in the bag, except for the natural fruit snacks he got from the good folks at Trader Joe's on Millburn until we realized that he couldn't care less about that stuff LOL! for him it was all about the experience; seeing the other kids in costume, learning how to trick or treat, walking the neighborhood with daddy and mama at night and looking at all the decorations. he hasn't thought about the candy since the last house. he doesn't even know what most of it is since he has no frame of reference, he just thinks it was the thing put in the bag as a reward for properly completing the trick or treat process LOL!
the most hilarious part of babyluv's 1st real trick or treat for me was that he kept trying to invite himself into folk's houses!! at every house he was like 'i wanna go in! can we stay for awhile!' see, that's just like our kid to be all 'knock knock, trick or treat, what's for dinner!?'
step 1. ring the doorbell.
step 2. take a step back (increases politeness, reduces 'smack in the head with door' injuries).
step 3. when the door opens shout 'trick or treat!' use your OUTSIDE VOICE!! (give a kid permission to scream, tell him it's even part of the process, the fun factor doubles immediately.)
step 4. hold your bag open or reach in the bowl for treats.
step 5. in your OUTSIDE VOICE say 'THANK YOU!'
we almost felt bad about the fact that we had zero intention of letting him eat a single thing in the bag, except for the natural fruit snacks he got from the good folks at Trader Joe's on Millburn until we realized that he couldn't care less about that stuff LOL! for him it was all about the experience; seeing the other kids in costume, learning how to trick or treat, walking the neighborhood with daddy and mama at night and looking at all the decorations. he hasn't thought about the candy since the last house. he doesn't even know what most of it is since he has no frame of reference, he just thinks it was the thing put in the bag as a reward for properly completing the trick or treat process LOL!
the most hilarious part of babyluv's 1st real trick or treat for me was that he kept trying to invite himself into folk's houses!! at every house he was like 'i wanna go in! can we stay for awhile!' see, that's just like our kid to be all 'knock knock, trick or treat, what's for dinner!?'
01 November 2011
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)