25 May 2012

hood translations

this was shared with me and it's too funny (and accurate) not to pass on! a guide for the Ebonically challenged.

side note: y'all remember when they tried to make Ebonics a real language!?! I guess the equivalent today would be Textish. u kno wut im sayin? we str8? ttyl.

23 May 2012

kidluv says this is his theme song!

kiddo knows best

so kidluv asked me if he could get on the computer and I said, 'Sure, why don't you play a few games on ABCmouse.com.' which is his site for 'learning games'. however, he asked to play on NickJr.com instead.

I grudgingly said, 'OK, but only for a few minutes since I think ABCmouse teaches you more while you have fun.' he turned and walked into the office. a few minutes later he came back and said, 'I think I can play on NickJr a lot! I teaches me too! come, lemme show you!' he took my hand and led me into the office.

he showed me this note on his chalkboard with a big ol' grin and said 'SEE!! NickJr is a SMART place to play! NickJr said so and SO DO I!!!'

for those who can't read the Sanskrit of a 4 year old, it says: NickJr. the smart place to play.

well alrighty, kiddo, you get no further argument from me. :)

18 May 2012

mama at the playground

I'm at the playground with kidluv, standing at the top of the slide watching him go down and I remembered something; when I met Mar in high school I was TERRIFIED of heights. terrified. so much so, I hadn't gone down a slide since I was very little, a fact that I revealed to him while we were hanging out at a playground.

at first he thought I was joking or faking in a 'damsel in distress' kinda way, then he saw I was serious.

so he helped me. he didn't laugh at me or make me feel silly, he just helped me.

it took me a few minutes, but holding his hands I warily climbed up and staring into the first pair of smiling male eyes I ever truly trusted, I went down the slide.

it was so hard but so simple and changed so much.

now, 22 years later, as I run and play with my kid and carelessly stand at the top of the slide (that's where I'm writing this very hurried post from) I see that not only has he made me a mom, he helped make me a better mom. I wouldn't have this beautiful boy or this beautiful moment with him without that beautiful man.

now if you'll excuse me, I have some sliding to do. :)

ps. I love ya, babe!

13 May 2012

becoming mama

I've been a mom for four years now and it's been the biggest adventure of my life. in four years I've shed my old skin in favor of a much more comfortable fitting one.

I'm insanely in love with the man and boy who made me a mom! they make me laugh from my gut and gush in loving wonder every single day.

my dear, sweet, magnificent partner, Mar. he has been my strength and balance. he has been the very definition of hustle and has done a damn good job of taking care of his family on his own terms. my pride is massive.

my love, my love, my love.....oh, my love.

my kid is friggin awesome! he makes me feel like I'm the world's best mom even though I think he pretty much raises himself. he's deliriously happy, strong and healthy and crazy smart. he's proof that my karma is good or at least it was in another life.

me and my men love each other fiercely and I don't question that one bit. that makes my mother's day and everyday magnificent. I'm discovering my inner domestic diva; my gift for and joy in taking care of my home (and fancy cleaning products!). I adore motherhood.

happy mother's day to every mom and mom-to-be out there. motherhood is a daring, beautiful experience and one I wouldn't trade for anything.

01 May 2012

terror as teaching moments?

as a mom, I'm finding my parenting beliefs and concepts challenged and changing on a daily basis. I'm thinking harder about what parenting is and how much of it we do out of habit without taking the time to analyze the 'whys' behind our children's behavior and our own reactions. this is especially the case with discipline.

I'm realizing that I hate some of the things we as a society reflexively do to control our kids, much of which involves using terror as teaching moments.

I mean spanking of course, which is literally the act of hitting, smacking, tapping or whipping a child for the purpose of causing pain to get their attention or to punish. that's obviously using the terror of impending pain to teach a lesson. no, I don't support this and can debate it profusely and with supporting medical and psychological references, but that's not what I'm really thinking about.

I mean the more subtle ways we terrorize our kids in order to control a behavior. for example, we've been staying with various family for the past six months or so, a collection of loving, caring individuals who adore my son and only want to protect him. so when they see him doing something potentially dangerous they want to keep him safe, however our methods in doing so tend to be drastically different.

when I see Kidluv about to walk away from me in a public place I'll tell him 'honey I need you to always stay where YOU can see ME because if you can't see me then I can't see you. I don't want to lose you, ok?' usually the response is 'ok, mama!' and all's well, he'll stay close. occasionally he'll forget and we have to stay in hand-holding distance until he gets the reinforcement of 'stay close', then all's well.

but I've had a family member notice Kidluv walking away in a public place and (very sweetly) told him 'you shouldn't walk away from mommy because a stranger could come along and grab you and throw you in their car and take you away and you'll never see mommy and daddy again! so stay close, ok?'

what the bloody hell!!!

another one. the kiddo was doing his daredevil thing on the furniture and I noticed things getting a bit precarious so I told him I'd like for him to stop since it no longer looked safe and I didn't want him to get hurt.

then another well-intentioned family member co-signed and added 'yea, honey, you could fall and break your little arm or leg or bust your little head!'

cheese and crackers!!!

why oh why do we have to use these terrorizing worse case scenarios to scare our kids into obedience? I would much rather teach my child about the world then terrorize them about it. I'd rather give him the knowledge about what situations require caution and why, so that he learns to make informed decisions, than to freak him out at every turn so that he lives in this state of constant paranoia about busted heads and never seeing his parents again.

I remember a time years ago when I was at the mall with my then 5 year old cousin. apparently someone had just given her the 'some stranger's gonna snatch you away' talk because we were sitting and eating when a guy came up to us flirting and trying to get my number. after less than 30 seconds I heard this almost guttural sound coming from my sweet little cousin and I looked at her. her face was awash with rage and fear and she was snarling 'stranger danger, stranger danger.' I tried to reach over and take her hand but she jumped up, knocking over her chair and screeched 'STRANGER DANGER!! STRANGER DANGER!!'

hell and damnation!!

I snatched her up, hugging, kissing and consoling, assuring her she was safe, I was safe, there was no danger. ol' dude shuffled off quickly and without another word.

I realize now there is always a much more patient, kind, intelligent, and supportive way to teach our children to be wary of the hazards of the world without traumatizing them out of experiencing the world.

so people, please stop trying to freak my kid out, thank you very much.

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photo courtesy of Explorations Early Learning, LLC!