Lately

This particular poem I wrote while I was really in love with someone and I wasn't sure how mutual the feeling was. Everyday that I spent with that person I was thinking of how I could reach out to them in some profound way and not just make them realize my love, but how much they really loved me.

what have i become-

The anger and hatred for another human being, that can grow and mutate in your deepest core like a tumor, and chip away at your very senses. You let it permeate until you can barely speak and you honestly believe that any actions you take against this individual would be justified.

INSPI(RED) - JOIN (RED)!!

Buy a sexy RED product, save some lives! It doesn't get much easier or more beautiful than that!

RED has never looked better!! Motorola, Gap, and Armani are amongst some of the fabulous retailers that have joined forces with Nobel Peace Prize Nominee and Performer Bono and Bobby Shriver to launch the massive (PRODUCT) RED campaign to raise funds to fight AIDS and other diseases in Africa.

(BLOG) RED
(RED) was created by Bono and Bobby Shriver, Chairman of DATA, to raise awareness and money for The Global Fund by teaming up with the world's most iconic brands to produce (PRODUCT) RED-branded products. A percentage of each (PRODUCT) RED product sold is given to The Global Fund. The money helps women and children with HIV/AIDS in Africa.

www.joinred.com

My Name Is....

I really dig the show "My Name is Earl". If you've never seen it, this dude Earl was a horrible person; lied, cheated, stole from his fellow man for years. Then as soon as he hit the lottery and thought he was going to be living in the big time, he was hit by a car leaving the store. Karma.

So he made a list of all the horrible things he could remember doing to people and is going around trying to undo them. Kinda like step 9 on the 12 step deal (I've never done the 12 steps myself I've just been a lots of peoples' 'step 9') only funnier.

It's inbred, country, and funny as hell (kinda like that side of my family
we don't talk about), but it actually has a pretty good message to it. Basically, karma. What you put into the world comes back to you, whether you like it or not.


Karma.

Have you ever noticed that when someone is feeling the results of their own bad karma "Karma is a bitch!" I've thought that myself a few times, usually in times of self-inflicted suffering and denial. I'm hearing similar
grumblings from the people I know, near and far, mostly things like "What did I do to deserve this!?!" and "Why me!?!" which loosely translates into "Karma is a summuma-bitch!!"

The problem is that when the universe whispers back, "It's just a little karma baby, no biggie," they plug their ears with their fingers like rotten children and chant, "La-la-la-la, I can't hear you, la-la-la-la!" For some reason these sad folks would rather believe that they are doomed, cursed, and otherwised jinxed and the world has it in for them for some reason. This grandiose sense of martyrdom seems much more reasonable than maybe, just maybe, taking a moment to just check themselves and make some minor corrections.

And there's the kick in the ass! Karma makes you check yourself and usually correct yourself, and that's way too much for many. Because correcting means admitting "I was wrong," and we all know how much fun that is.

And if you haven't done wrong and are just truly in a genuinely bad place due to circumstance, then taking stock will usually bring to light the parts of your life that are still intact and motivating, loving and supporting; and that's a wonderful experience to have as well.

I think anyone who is having their own "Woe is me, the world it against me!" moment needs to start living like "Their Name is Earl". Take HONEST stock of who you are, where you are, and what you've done to get there. And I mean honest; there is hardly a faultless, blameless soul among us. Be accountable for your prior and current actions and your reactions and maybe life will show you exactly how to take the next
action out of your current funk.

And if you're doing wrong and you know you are doing wrong, get over yourself, suck it up, and realize Karma is gonna bitch slap you until you make another choice, and Karma has a heavy hand.

Personally, "My Name is Rashida" and me and my Karma are damn good friends and I'd like to keep it that way.

Good Ol' Sunshine

Today I don't want to share anything but some good Sunshine. Here's Raul Midon with some of the best I've experienced in ages. Bask in it, why don't you.




"When you're with me I can fly..."

For your extended viewing pleasure....

Be Careful What You Wish For

This is a story about my ex-girlfriend and I, and how what she thought she wanted turned into what she got, and how unprepared both of us were for it.

Make A Move Music Video::SuckaForLife.com

From the slick, savvy, olde skool soul of the 'sucka for life' herself, Hanifah Walidah, comes the equally slick, savvy and rapturously olde skool soul of the "Make a Move Music Video"!





Take pause and check the one true Sucka for Life, Hanifah Walidah on MySpace, and dig on the Make A Move documentary ("Keep It Movin'"), due out for the holidays; features the behind the scene discussions, intimate moments, background information, and the undocumented history of black lesbian "House Party" culture. To find out more about Keep It Movin' and how you can support in its completion, click here.

See previous post: Octavia Butler Tribute Video::Thanks Hanifah

Snaps and Breaks

We all have our faults and our nasty little character traits that life teaches us are either endearing little quirks or horrible personality flaws. While I am sure I have some cute quirks that have come to endear me to others, I also have one horrible personality flaw.

how to cope

All I can say is that this is one of several 'written nervous breakdowns'.

Latin for Oral Deviant

I took a sadomasochistic trip somewhere over the rainbow yesterday, and boy are my lips tired!

And I Thought I Was Juggling A Lot

The gigantic kid in me found great bliss in this video.

And for someone who's really no spring chicken himself, the fabulously talented, gigantic kid in Chris Bliss apparently finds great bliss in his job!

Do you have this much fun at your work?

Amazing Juggling Finale - Google Video

All Up In the HONEY Pot

Mmm-mmm, Honey just keeps getting yummier and yummier everyday! And I'm not talking about the stuff you put in your morning tea (even though I'm sure her husband probably thinks she's smooth and sweet enough to stick her finger in and give it a little swirl).


But if you wanna know where the "soul music" is, then you better be like "Winnie-the-Pooh" and get all up in this HONEYpot, chile! More and more folks searching for a spot for music have found this silky haven (Honeysoul is #18 for "soul music" searches on the internet) and now you can also pour a little Honey on a weekly basis, as part of Bobby Phat's "The Groove".

You simply must go and see why Honeysoul.com is fast becoming one of the natural and soothing ways people are helping themselves to generous servings of the newest soul music, including podcasts and interviews with the artists you know and the artists you need to know.


See also: Honeysoul on MySpace
Bobby Phats on MySpace

Pandora's Beat Box

Forget everything you've been told before; this is one Pandora that must be opened. The plentiful goods of the musical world eagerly awaits.

Pandora, the next step in customized playlists, is a streaming music creation by The Music Genome Project. The intelligence behind the project and the player is that your musical experience goes far beyond 'genres' like R&B or Top 100. The music you hear is actually tailor made and personalized to your particular tastes! Imagine that!

...[e]verything from melody, harmony and rhythm, to instrumentation, orchestration, arrangement, lyrics, and of course the rich world of singing and vocal harmony. It's not about what a band looks like, or what genre they supposedly belong to, or about who buys their records - it's about what each individual song sounds like....


Tim Westergren
Founder
The Music Genome Project

And of course, Pandora custom lists can be shared (via email). If you've been looking to release some of your hidden musical musings into the world, go ahead and open Pandora.

Octavia Butler Tribute Video::Thanks Hanifah

My closest friends know that the recent passing of the monumental author Octavia Butler shook me quite a bit. I was a follower since I was a child, her shocking imagery, groundbreaking concepts, and bravery for venturing into genres that few Black women dared made her an instant and lifelong heroine of mine.


On Hanifah Walidah's SUCKA FOR LIFE Blog archive Lookit: Octavia Butler Tribute, sis is good and kind enough to share a clip from a documentary being made by Invisible Universe. Hanifah is always good and kind enough to spread some soul-full, spiritual, life healing, slap-a-smile-up-onya sh*t on her site, so if you have yet to be SUCKA'D in, go do so now.

Thanks, again Hanifah.

See previous post: Little known facts about me and why this video is bloody fabulous!

Just Blowin' Smoke

Last week the trusty and ever reliable folks over at the Food and Drug Administration released one of their handy-dandy reports. Somehow they have mysteriously, without providing any documented testing or research, made a report materialize out of thin air that states that it had "definitively established that marijuana has no medical use or value." Really?

I think somebody's high.

Yes, to all of the eager minds who have been asking for so long, then again, some of you might have forgotten the question quite some time ago, the never political FDA has said they have made their absolute, positive, locked-up-tight-in-the-vault decision about the medicinal value of marijuana. Put away your bong grandma, the FDA said you're not fooling anybody.

According to Slate.com article All Smoke,

The FDA's statement implies that the agency reached its conclusion about marijuana after conducting a new serious analysis of the existing scientific literature on the drug. But of course no such analysis was reported in the medical literature and, in fact, no identifiable official at the FDA took responsibility for last week's advisory. It was just put out there as a statement of fact.

They go on to provide this link to a 288 page report of actual in depth documented medical studies and research conducted by National Academy of Sciences' Institute of Medicine (an organization chartered by Congress to provide independent, nonpartisan scientific and technological advice).

Nonpartisan scientific advice. I like the sound of that. About the only thing the FDA's oh so stern "Inter-Agency Advisory" is useful for is backup rolling paper.

Puff.
See Article: Slate.com article All Smoke

Orgasmic Immune Boost

"Hhmmm, the weather is changing and I'm so stressed out I know my immune system is probably a wreck. I don't want to start feeling all run down or end up with the flu, so I guess I should pump up my daily vitamins, fruits & veggies, and orgasms."

Dontcha just love science!

Forget to have your flu shot? Light some candles and put on soft music. "Sex stimulates the immune system," says Dr. Deborah Anapol, PhD, author of The Seven Natural Laws of Love. Recent studies show that regular sex makes you less vulnerable to colds and flu. And for romantic types, tell your partner that prolonged, deep kissing has been shown to lower blood pressure and cholesterol levels in the long term.

Six Ways Sex Is Good for You - iVillage Health & Well-Being

See previous post: Celibacy and the Bitter Barrier

Have The Best Easter Ever !

I'm not a big holiday person, never have been, except for the obvious fact that I get to stay home from whatever job or school I'm probably not enjoying at the time for a day (or in this case a very long weekend, YAY!).

My favorite holiday is Halloween and oddly enough I don't even get a day off for it. Like Halloween, Easter is interesting because it's filled with lots of confusing ancient and modern symbols and more yummy candy than you can shake a stick at.

The warped minds at CRACKED Magazine combined these images into this dainty little animated cartoon (NOT INTENDED FOR KIDS!!) called:

The Best Easter Ever



HAPPY EASTER, Y'ALL!

Impost This!

I just woke up after a restless but well-deserved nap about an hour ago, just to finish the final stretch of this year's fiscal hell called tax filing. I usually don't procrastinate like this, since I've long since accepted this as the annual governmental punishment for being a single renter with no children (as if the monumental deductions from my bi-weekly paychecks and parental reminders weren't punishment enough) and I prefer to just get it out of the way. But my temporary stay out of the country put it out of my head, I guess.

Oh hell, I just didn't want to do it, who am I foolin'?

Anywho, I just completed everything as much as I feel like completing it (I am making a promise to myself here and now that this is the LAST year I do this god awful task myself), I do my little happy dance, and I think I'll read a blog or two even though I know I have to go to work in a few hours and I should go to bed.

The first blog that I open is for A.Word.A.Day and the word is
Impost:

1. A tax or a similar mandatory payment.

2. The weight a horse must carry in a handicap race.

.....That's not fair. I'm going to bed.

Bad Pussy: When Good Kitties Go Bad

Help me, support me, show me LOVE!! Read my **first published short story** on Associated Content!

  It's an epic thriller about this very devious animal here, called Bad Pussy: When Good Kitties Go Bad. Okay, so it's nowhere near epic but it's quite thrilling, really.



If you dig my story PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE send email it, link it, refer me to others!! Others will follow in the near future. Thanks a million!

By the way, do you have stories, poems, songs, videos, art...pretty much anything that you want to publish- AND GET PAID FOR IT? Publish on Associated Content and you can get paid for your original works!

April is National Poetry Month

If you didn't know, ten years ago The Academy of American Poets established April as National Poetry Month! HOORAY!! We can celebrate our calling in the open, we are POETS, no longer the bohemian outcasts from society! No longer shall we tragic poets dwell in the depths of dark coffee houses, shrouded in black and anguish, desperate for the opportunity to share a secret word with a solitary soul such as ourselves.

Then again, black is rather slimming and if I do like me some java...

Anywho, take some time out during this April to visit The Academy of American Poets website and check out the huge variety of poetic resources they have available, including a searchable "Poetry Near You" page and the "POETCAST", a podcast that will regularly showcase selections from their expansive Poetry Audio Archive, as well as new work by contemporary poets.

So fellow poets and poetry lovers, it's safe, really, you can come out now. You're amongst friends.

Wonderfully Twisted Video to Welcome the Week!

Once again, my odd little mind prompts me to post an equally odd little video.
"Genre" by Don Hertzfeldt

So I replaced my morning coffee with some cartoon gore and giggles.

Happy Monday!

Win a Chance to Tour with KRS-One!

THAT'S WHAT I SAID!

Poets, lyricists, spoken word artists, whatever title you give yourself, you have the opportunity to tour with a verbal legend, KRS-One! You or your group can Compete to Tour with The Poet, The Teacher: KRS-One!



Friday, April 21st, in Baltimore, Maryland KRS-One is looking for rappers, and dancers to tour with him in the US and Europe. Your audition will be personally judged by KRS-One, Chief Rocker Busy Bee and other special guests. So bring out your rap skills and your dancing moves, men and women welcome.

For details, including location and registration price, visit Poetology.com

Quit the Bitchin

“Quit the Bitchin’”

“What’s the problem with women?” Don’t look at me like that, you heard me, what’s the problem with women? Someone asked me that recently, I guess assuming that since I am a woman, a Black woman at that, they were going to get a rise out of me and instigate the innate head-whipping, finger-snapping hostility of the angry Black woman that would ordinarily rain down on anyone that would dare condescend to say something was wrong with women. The problem is, I think there is often something terribly wrong, or maybe just terribly lacking, in way too many women.

It can often be hard to say whether or not some women are never taught this trait, or just never learn to fully accept it, but I believe that one of the biggest problems with many women is that they simply do not know how to be, or even appreciate the concept of being independent, and this becomes the focus of their lives. And when you never learn to develop something as basic and necessary as your independence, your ability to fully function as an individual and make your own judgments, no other path in your life can ever be clearly defined. You can never truly know if your choices, decisions, and goals are born from your desires or from those of the people around you because a lack of independent thought has shielded you from yourself.

Too many women are still guided by the need to have someone take care of them either financially, emotionally or physically. We spend countless hours, dollars, and minutes on our cell phones stressing over clothes, hair, makeup, what places to go to, who’s available, and how to hook ‘em. Opposite sex or same sex, the game doesn’t change much.

Some women put all of themselves out there just hoping someone will look their way, even if it’s only for a night. The more flesh and flash they show the better, and they usually go for someone who reciprocates in kind (but often anyone will do). Other women play hard to get and add some mystery, giving the impression not to care but secretly begging someone to catch their eye.

Yes, there are an honest lot who really stand alone, strong, proud and solid in their independence. Whether they are in or not in a relationship, they are self-aware and self-assured and more than capable of a content and stable life on their own.

Most women tell ourselves and others that we don’t need anyone in our lives or beds; we can pay our own bills, take care of our own babies, and do anything else that we need physically just fine all by ourselves. But that doesn’t stop us from stressing or spending or mourning over our dreadfully lonely lives. We read about it, watch movies about it, drink about it, cry about it, and insist we are just fine all by ourselves.

It also doesn’t stop us from bashing and tearing down the character and integrity of the very catch that we are fishing for. We are all still looking for our version of Prince (or Princess if that’s the preference) Charming and using so much energy being angry at the world that (s)he doesn’t exist that we can’t see a true king or queen when (s)he’s presented to us. We still want to believe that the ideal person, the breathtakingly gorgeous, millionaire, financial genius, with the mansion on the hill, summer home in Europe, man with the perfect personality, no baggage, no kids, no ex’s, just all the love in their heart for you (and a wedding ring too!), is waiting right around the corner to just sweep us away into heaven on earth. Screw everyone else, they’re just not good enough.

And we pass these lessons on to our children. Our daughters see us giving our lives and selling our souls rather than stand strong alone, and our sons see what a woman is willing to do and sacrifice for his future affections. They learn young, hard lessons that shape their behavior, for better or worse.

Women need to re-learn and re-embrace some lessons that we tend to forget. First of all, don’t be a hypocrite. How can you ask for a person to come into a relationship with no baggage when there isn’t a single one of us who hasn’t been in a relationship, or family, or childhood who doesn’t have baggage? We all have our issues, and if you think you don’t have issues then that’s your issue.

Along that line, how many of us are breathtakingly gorgeous, millionaires, financial geniuses, with the mansions on the hill, and summer homes in Europe? How many have no kids? It’s just an unrealistic request. It’s asking someone to pick up your slack really.

We need to stop looking someone to fill in the blanks and correct everything that we think is wrong in our lives. We need to learn that we have everything that we need in ourselves to do that for ourselves. Women have the power to start revolutions and movements, lead governments and corporations, be the top in their fields and strongest in their leagues. Women are pioneers and trailblazers, and we have to forge ahead three times as hard in a male dominated society, which just shows our individual and collective strength.

I could list names of female abolitionists, teachers, CEO’s, civil rights leaders, political heads, doctors, religious leaders across nations, cultures, races and generations that have proven that all it takes is the inner motivation first to know that one woman can lift, move, or demolish mountains, but the list would never end.

And last, once we have come to appreciate, respect, and reassert our independence, we need to appreciate, respect, and reassert our opinions on some of the men we may have previously overlooked. I take comfort when I look at my younger brother and nephew. They are two of the youngest new fathers in my family (my brother is also a new husband). They are trying very hard to be good men. My brother actually talks to me (I mean he talks to me, the way a man needs to sometimes but we, as women, don't let them often enough) when he is having problems. Then he feels comfortable enough to go home and talk to his wife. They have a child now and a child on the way and they are happy.

My nephew has two boys in two states that he is taking care of, one that is medically fragile by an equally medically fragile woman, and he moved to another state to be with her and the baby. He travels for hours on the weekends to be with his son and to make sure his sons get to know each other.

These are the Prince Charmings that we were looking for. Yes, they came wrapped up in packages that may have been overlooked by the average woman; intelligent thugs, with their own baggage, but they were just diamonds in the rough. And luckily someone took the time to notice.

And they both have sons....more good men in the making. See how quickly the world can change if we are willing to make the change with it? If we are willing to take pride and strength in our true and natural independence, we might find that what we thought was missing all along was never actually missing. Just buried under a heap of distractions and self-pity.

And for those who just need that hope, think of it this may; maybe, just maybe, if you take the time to focus on building yourself up to your personal standard, then it will be noticed and admired by the person who is meant to compliment your life. Like in the movie, “If you build it, he will come.”

This Ain't Another 'Brokeback' Joke

I am not Bahamian, I'm American. I want to make sure that's clear. I'm only here for the moment, I'm a traveler, a consultant, an explorer of sorts, so just consider me an observer.

As an observer I can say that for those fellow liberal US citizens that feel you are being so terribly smothered by the current Rebuplican administration that is so harshly overrun and overburdened with conservativism, racism, sexism and every other -ism that we spend our lives trying to seek out and destroy, you don't know squat til you do some time in The Bahamas.

The 'Christian Nation'. Land of the Christian Council.

And as such, The Bahamas, along with Jamaica and apparently China, even though director Ang Lee is Taiwanese and highly acclaimed and celebrated in China. Odd. Yes, The Bahamas is amongst the handful of homophobic countries that feels that banning "Brokeback Mountain" will cure or end gayness. However, they aren't quite sure (could be the unusually high number of gay people here) so the movie was released into theaters, ads were released, people went to purchase tickets, then anti-homo-Christian minds were changed, and movie-goers were disappointed.

The Nassau Guardian Online Guide - Brokeback uproar

But then, as wise as ever The 'from the mouth's of babes'....

The same 'young' adults that they want to keep from seeing the movie show a great deal more maturity about the nature of the film and tolerance for diverity and true Christianity than the supposed 'mature' adults. These are the same 'mature' adults that protested and rallied at the docks when Rosie O'Donnell's gay-family friendly cruise visited Nassau for a day, and the good Christians felt that their gay presence and tourist dollar would somehow again convert the population to homosexuality, which of course instantly damns them all to hell. Of course the rally, in the middle of downtown Nassau, only served to scare off Bahamian shoppers (not here, queer, and used to it American Gays!), and upset Bahamian store owners who rely on the business on a busy Saturday. Hmph, that wasn't very effective.

And all the while, bootleg copies have of course been going around the country since the day the movie was released, so it's not hard to get your hands on a copy anyway (and in a couple of days the official DVD will be released so it won't even be one of the crappy copies where they have to keep focusing and some guy is whispering in the background "Now, see, if we were just honest with people we wouldn't end up like them!"--ok, so I had to throw one bad 'Brokeback' joke in there!).

Little known facts about me and why this video is bloody fabulous!

You wouldn't know it to look at me but...

Between high school and college I studied four years of Russian. I still remember a lot of it, although how often does a Black woman get to speak Russian in this day and age.

I absolutely adore vampire books and movies (preferrably books). I like a lot of horror, gore, and thrill actually, have been a fan ever receiving a copy of Stephen King's "Carrie" as a 10th birthday gift, then stealing a copy of Octavia Butler's "Kindred" shortly afterward. Reading material needs a certain edge after that.

And, well, I love rock music. Not all, but a great deal of it. Hell, I'm a child of the 80's, gimme a break.

I haven't seen this movie yet, but I'm going to because this video called to me.... don't be concerned, I'm ok, really. This is the massively speeded up version of the cult russian vampire Horror "Night Watch", the entire movie in 2 minutes.

"Nightwatch"

You just got so much information in such a short time.

YourSpace - MySpace - TheirSpace

You know that I'm there.

Maybe you're there...?

But most definitely they are there. Two groups that the average adult always wants to place in the protective 'cone of silence' for extended periods of time, sometimes years; children and racists. The same two groups that always manage to find the fastest, easiest, and...well, let's face it, most eye-popping, jaw-dropping ways to out-smart and race pass the average adult every single time.

And yet some average adults still insist on acting horrified that 13 year olds and hate groups are pimping the web in daily droves right along with marketing execs and singles looking for love. Geez, it's the internet! Of course, with just a click, they are all up in YourSpace, and like everything else, if it has buttons your kids know how use it better than you do! And if it can be used to further hate or violence, then some militant or martyr on a mission will know how to use it better than you do!

Why am I off on this tangent? Well, as I was reading this in yet another unending series of articles about the growth and filtering of online networks, I realized that while my current 'actual' social life has dwindled horridly (should I dwell on this I just might whimper...Really), my 'virtual' social life is much more active than ever. This is mainly because my present job and freelance work forces me to be on the computer for the majority of the day so I've just gravitated to an 'online life'. (Yeah, it's almost as sad as it sounds, so I'll accept a bit of sympathy if you like.) And in the 'actual' world, when we put "Explicit Lyrics" labels on CD's, have lewd sex scenes in video games, young girls of different colors (Lamb and Lynx Gaede along with Autum Ashante are only a few currently making headlines) barely old enough to have lived in this world but apparently old enough to have been taught a searing rage for it, we have to realize that no amount of sanitizing, website removal, blocks, or guards are going to keep the world all clean and white (no pun intended li'l Gaede girls).

We must adapt to the technology we live in and either roll with it or be rolled over by it. Get with it, it's not YourSpace, and sorry Tom, but it's hardly even MySpace, as usual it's TheirSpace (damn, their 'They' go again!) so just deal with it people.

It's just that new world order.

Amnesty International Commercial - Poetic

I came across this commercial for Amnesty International today and I was amazed by the simplicity behind it's powerful message. It's really a great commercial.



Amnesty International Commercial

I'm bored, I'm a bitch, and red's a good color on me.

Picking fights with myself just isn't as much fun as it used to be...

I'm bored, I'm a bitch, and red's a good color on me.

I can pick a fight with damn near anybody. Not like petty, li'l squabbles about what celebrity is doing who, or what reality show is actually real -those actually make my ass itch (the reality shows and the arguments). I mean, I am fairly good at reading people and seeing more than one side of a situation, so I can turn a seemingly harmless conversation into a rousing debate, bothering the hell out of someone else but delighting me to no end. It's a gift, I don't own it.
It can often be quite amusing at boring dinner parties and friends have used me to break up with boyfriends or girlfriends when they were unable. Unfortunately I've had to control my gift since at times in my own relationships... well, let's just say I often don't know my own strength.

However, I screw with myself the same way. I guess that's what it takes to be a cynic like me, having an "Eh, who knows?" attitude when it comes to life in general, but being curious enough to research things because I do want to know. But how many of us do want to know? And how many of us are willing to be our own devil's advocate to find out? Do you ever really challenge, research and investigate your own ideas, strictly to see if they hold water? Hhhmmm...

Hey, you there, petition writing, protest march organizing Women's right's advocate over there? I know that you say that you want all women to have the exact same rights, privileges and responsibilities as men, right? I gotcha, and I feel ya, but would you feel the same way if your 18 year old baby girl, who may have had dreams of going to college to start her career as an obstetrician or teacher, just got drafted to go fight a war and possibly die violently in some far off land, just like the many sons and fathers before her? Does that change your stand point or strengthen it?

Or here's one for the masses, all my internet buddies; I know y'all hate big brother, Da Man, da gub-ment, all the secret, covert hidden entities that hide behind big office buildings and budgets and small initials like FBI, CIA, and that new catch-phrase "Homeland Security". Throw any of those or a countless number of other unknown titles about and all of a sudden men in suits have permissions like never before to creep in and out of every crack and crevice of your life, all of who and what you do. The term 'having a bug up your ass' has much grander scope now. The average joe-schmoe finds this blatant invasion of privacy horrid and offensive; we rant about how the American government is just finding more and more ways to keep us imprisoned and voilate our lives. We want them to mind their own business and get up out of our collective ass basically.

But wouldn't that mean that we really couldn't get upset when another terrorist cell, serial killer, or mass murderer slips through the cracks? Because they are smart enough to live amongst us, have families, go to our schools and colleges, buy houses in our neighborhoods, chill on the same websites we chill on, and you can't say, "don't watch me but watch him" because how will 'they' know who to watch...unless they, well, watch? How many times have you turned on the TV and heard a shocked next door neighbor saying, "But he seemed like such a nice man. Quiet, kept to himself mostly." Are you on the internet to meet new people you age, network, sell your book or movie, or are you a pedophile and rapist, are you trading instructions on assasination plots thru codes passed on dating sites disguised as casual dating banter? It happens.

Ok, you get where I'm going I hope. Seriously we get so set in believing, even beyond believing, simply assuming that what knowledge we carry in our own heads is the most accurate info available. Oh screw diplomacy, most people think, "I'm right, you're wrong!", and then they stick their fingers in their ears and chant, "La, la, la, la. la!!", with eyes closed to the world. A more enlightened few will skip on the plugged ears and blind eyes and actually listen to the opinions of others, before walking away and quickly discarding the words like such rubbish; "Humph, I'm still right and he's still wrong."

Rarely do we achieve the intellectual level of the scholars, shahman, yogis, prophets, and cool ol' mamas and dreads that always seems to know everything, that we can actually push, test, reprove and challenge our own ideas for the purpose of either validating a long-standing belief, or (hell of all hells) possibly learning something new and having to ingratiate it into the limited scope of our current existence.

Oh the humanity.

We live in a chain email, blog & bulletin, headline and RSS feed world, ladies and gents. For a scary large number of us, our general knowledge is being gleaned from these immediate sources exclusively, and only the shortest of those (if I were a gambling woman I'd put hard cash that only half the people who start this even made it this far... natural selection, thinning the herd, maybe). These are the Headline Believers! Their beliefs lie in whatever the headlines tell them. They don't want to put much thought into self or other examination, just be told what to think for the day.

"Today's emails and posts tell me that this list of people are criminals and/or gay, these people are politically incorrect and leading to the world's demise, this email will bring me luck (or death), and by clicking here I can get unlimited credit and erections. Cool, I'm updated. Amen."

Those who have more time, energy, need, curiosity, know-how, or a combination of these traits will spend some more time searching and reserching deeper, seeking answers or more questions (just how unlimited is that unlimited erection). They might even double click, utilize a search engine or two, even (GULP!) pick up a book! Even cooler.

And often wise people willingly and humbly admit to themselves and others that they were wrong. Maybe about everything.

So, c'mon, monkey with your brain a little, I dare ya! Do you really have the cajones!?! Pick your most sensitive topic, think about it for a bit, go deep, to that icky place that you usually avoid like a professional dodgeballer, then pick up a pen or tape recorder, or sit down to the keyboard, and be your own worst enemy. Openly, honestly, and savagely. Don't bullshit yourself and pull punches just so you end up on top, we do that everyday and it defeats the purpose of even trying.

What fucks with you: abortion rights, the death penalty, Affirmative Action? Whatever it is, if you're usually 'pro' be the 'con' for once....wait a minute Black people, that didn't come out right, we already got a problem with that, but you know what I meant.

You need some more ammo? Ooh, ammo...guns....you know what, that's too easy. Actually, it's just a bad Dick Cheney joke waiting to happen, so let me try something else.

Let's talk- behind your hand, 'in hushed tones' depending on your skin-tone or need for political correctness- about the 'N' word. There is a lot of muss and fuss over the use of the word 'nigga' as a Black-friendly term these days. For years many Blacks have said it's okay for us to say it when talking and referring to each other, but should it cross the lips of anyone of any other nationality hell, fire, and the great Black wrath shall rain down on them. Y'all know we got some hostility issues, don't front. Damon Wayans is attempting to copyright the word to use for a clothing line, but is being denied by the copyright office.

Side note: I mean you just could have knocked me over with a feather; I cannot believe they are denying his request!?! I am positively flabbergasted! Ok, I just wanted to use the word flabbergasted, I love saying flabbergasted but not once have I had the opportunity to write it. Felt good. Anywho-

Are you one of the Black folks that hates the infamous 'N' word and believes that it must be destroyed? You think it's derogatory, demeaning, a throwback to times of slavery and to make the word popularized is to take a giant step back in the progress of the race? All right, gotcha.

Devil's advocate: don't we tell kids from the time they can first go to pre-k. and we know the torment of socialization with their peers is about to begin, to always remember that "sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can never hurt me." Yes it's childish, but children are purer people, without exposure to the stereotypes, hatred, bigotry, and plain nastiness that we've been exposed to. We teach them that. The whole point of that simple little rhyme is to attempt to remove the same negative power from words like 'stupid', 'ugly', 'nerd', 'bitch', and yes 'nigger' that this pure person is about to be exposed to. So why would you tell a 2 year old not to give those words power to hurt them, then turn around at 20, 30, 40, and so on and give just one word 100 times more power?

What's more, don't we teach that our people survived the horrors of the Middle Passage, losing our heritage of being Kings, Queens and warriors in a land of our own, losing our names, our languge, our culture, centuries of slavery, fighting and dying for the most basic rights just to get where we are today, still having to do three times as much just to be considered half as good but still holding positions as heads of corporations, political leaders, a powerful role models in the community.... but one little 6 letter word will be the undoing of the whole race. Really? Plus, I know a massive female population who now embrace being proud, sexy, intelligent bitches, when 10 years ago calling them bitches would have gotten you a stiletto in your particulars.

Being open to the possibility of a new idea means unclenching, letting go of some of the immediate, knee-jerk need to respond, "No, it's just wrong!! It's a vile disgusting word and the longer we allow 'nigga' or 'nigger' to be spoken in movies, music, and print as easily as it is, the more Black people will fall!" Being open means peeking at the possibility that the longer we give the word that negative energy, the longer it has power to instigate riots, gang violence and FCC violations. Speaking of which, watch any prime time broadcast TV show from 1985, then from 1995, then from 2005; the words you hear these days would have gotten those FCC panties all in a bunch back then!! The South Park episode when the FCC gave them a certain number of times they could say the word 'shit' in one episode so they crammed as many shits in there as they possibly could was CLASSIC! I could just be perverted....and way off the topic....

Look, I'm just being that li'l devil on your left shoulder, whispering 'but what if' in your ear. I've always been good at getting people all riled up (one way or the other) and I've recently discovered I look damn good in red anyway, so it seemed a fun role to fill for a spell.

Celibacy and the Bitter Barrier

Some people really shouldn’t abstain from sex for too long.

Yea you heard me! Has anyone else realized that some people really shouldn't be celibate too long? Now hear my words: Some people and too long. I don't mean everybody all the time, so simmer down and don't get ya self righteous panties in a bunch before you hear what I'm saying.

Many times we choose celibacy for completely noble and honorable purposes. Whether because of the desire to cleanse and purge our heads and hearts of past baggage, to open our souls for present experiences, to prepares our spirits for future encounters and unions in hopes of recognizing the good, the bad, and the ugly the next time around, or all of the above. This is a brilliant endeavor that we all should possibly engage in periodically.

However, in an effort to purify and nourish head, heart, soul and spirit we neglect the needs of the body. We can feed if food, exercise it, and allow it to meditate; for many people, blessedly, these are more than enough to sustain them through a period of brief or extended celibacy with grace and even enlightenment. But for some, and I said some, celibacy is different. Veeeery different.

First, it ain't a choice. Or at least is doesn't start as a choice. It starts as a break up or a lonely couple of weekends, then stretches into a drought, then mutates rather angrily but with dogged acceptance into a conscious decision of "well, as long as I'm not getting any, I might as well make the best of the experience." So, there's already a certain bitterness connected to the experience in the first place.

Second, after an extended period of sexual deprivation the whole purpose behind the celibacy gets twisted. The wonder and beauty of the inner spiritual enlightenment all of a sudden makes them a tad bit too enlightened for their own damn good. All of a sudden, lack of sex has made them a greater being, sainted, surely more wise than those hopeless fools wasting brain cells on orgasms and certifiably more knowledgeable than those hapless idiots that they actually wish to have sex with!!

Some, not all, but some people who remain celibate for too long develop what I call the Bitter Barrier. It's the force field of general nastiness and pheromone and cock-blocking hostility that develops around some of them after they have passed the point of enlightenment, leaped over a 'higher level', and now their siditty asses are just perched up on a pedestal of their own monastic creation. Now they do not just feel better, they are better; better than you or me, at least that's what their horny little heads tell them. Exerting the deliberate strength to deny the lust of their loins makes them superior humans and they should be worshipped and groped, uh I mean coveted.

Which makes it that much harder for them to understand why those they wish to one day have sex with by showing them that they are stronger, smarter and better than them, DON'T WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH THEIR NEUROTIC ASSES! "

"Alas, damn this celibacy and the exalted, ultimate being it has created in me and the fact that others simply cannot clench up, sinch up and understand me!!!"

Hhhmmm..... The Bitter Barrier in full effect. You are now the crazy friend when out with the crew and you don't even know it. People aren't sensing confidence, sensuality, clarity, intelligence, or any of the things that you intended to glean from this period of celibacy.

People come around you now and five minutes later they walk away saying, "Hmph, that mothafuckas craaaazy! They need to get some ass like quick fast in a hurry!"

And I'm not a hypocrite; I am one of those people who has learned that it is not too smart for me to go too long without a proper physical release. Granted, it is much more preferable, and the likelihood of mass homicide is dramatically decreased, when something other than my own imagination and battery operated devices are involved, but I do have a damn good imagination and I'm not scared to shop for bigger, better and more creative toys should the need for chosen celibacy arise again.

Soooo, if anyone out there might be thinking of your recent behavior and realized you might have developed a Bitter Barrier, I recommend either visiting your local XXX shop and seeing if anything there tickles your fancy..... literally, or picking up some literature on Tantra and self pleasuring, or learning about the benefits of 'friends with benefits'. Do something! Because I can assure you that some friend or prospective date out there is, while to your face commending your noble, leg-locked choice, they are secretly begging you to just bus' a nut and shut the fuck up already!!

shining contradiction

The passing confusion of a self-esteem built on a fading facade.

kiss...

it's in his kiss...

acceptance

so where do i go from here...?

aum, home, aum

Sometimes, when you gotta go home, you just gotta go AUM.....

Bad Pussy

When did my cat take over my life? When did she jump up on the food chain just enough to have taken the upper hand in my home? And where did she get her military training?

Celibacy and the Bitter Barrier

Some people should not be celibate for too long. Yea you heard me! Has anyone else realized that some people really just shouldn't be celibate too long? Now hear my words: Some people and too long. I don't mean everybody all the time, so simmer down and don't get ya self righteous panties in a bunch before you hear what I'm saying.

knew ya ears

The new year tends to have a universal effect on people. It tends to be a time of personal reflection and task-setting, high hopes, and shortly after, fallen aspirations. We generate a grandiose ideal of what we will be and achieve in the coming year only to dissappoint ourselves with short-lived successes and catastrophic failures. Are resolutions and unattainable goals a necessary way of life?