Healing Can Come from Releasing

Over the past few days I've been having conversations with folks about healing or releasing abusive relationships. There have been some extremely difficult conversations especially with people who have decided that certain relationships, no matter the guilt or assumed obligations that come with that relationship, need to be accepted as they are and then released.

In light of that, I decided to revisit some unpleasant conversations I had with someone whom I consider emotionally abusive to me. I can do this because the relationship eventually became so abusive and precarious that I began recording conversations with them. I honestly wanted to be able to do just this, listen to these conversations at a later date, when I was distanced from the relationship and felt no further obligation. I was told so many times that I was overreacting, or being too emotional, or just that I was wrong.

Emotional Abuse - by marcgosselin - image found on DeviantArt

Even over a recording, even with time and distance between us, even knowing that I am under no obligation to ever see this person again, I felt the same anger, and shame, and hurt, and betrayal, and punishment that I felt in the moment. I felt nauseous and my heart started racing (which consequently sent my BabyBump into a tizzy!) and I could barely make it through one recording. It was horrible. I picked this recording in particular because there were others with me when it was recorded and since then one of those people has completely watered down the conversation in their mind. When we discussed it, I was told it wasn't that bad and they didn't remember harsh words being exchanged. They were so very wrong. I was called names, my family was insulted, it was wretched.

In the end, the lesson for me is to trust my heart, my gut, my instincts. No one but me knows how a person makes me feel and no one but me has to cope with those feelings, so no one but me can decide if that relationship is worth mending or releasing. I'm secure in my decision to release that relationship and I accept that. I feel that releasing this relationship is the only way to heal this relationship and heal myself at the same time. I can't force others to accept it or even understand it, and that's okay as well, because no one else has to live my life but me.