how to cope

All I can say is that this is one of several 'written nervous breakdowns'.

i don't know how to cope
i don't know what to do
when my head's goin' thru-
don't want to believe what is true.
thtat this is all that was sent to me.
might this be all that was meant for me?
could this be the only vent for me,
thru which to escape and hide?
all of this anger i cannot abide.
how much can i keep inside
before it becomes unhealthy?
and exhaustion comes steathily
creeping around the corners of my sanity.
i feel i must prohibit
a glaring public exhibit
of my shell-shocked hopes and fatigued dreams.
can't let you see me fall apart at the seams,
when you expect me to be the thread
that holds your life together.
I must provide harbor thru the weather,
and give your dependency a shelter.
whether or not i am able,
or if my soul is stable
enough to pile your troubles on my table.
do you never think to ask
as you shackle me to another task?
could this be my mission on earth
to take on the heft of others' hurt,
til i'm buried under all the emotional dirt
that my aching back can carry.
and even then it won't stop-
forced to drag it after i drop,
with no clear sight of the top
of this ongoing, up hill battle.
I do not know how to cope
when carnivores stare me in the face
and tear out my heart, leaving blood in my place,
soiling my home, yet not leaving a trace
of the me I used to be;
the me I used to see.